A break to think

This week we went away to Center Parcs (Yes it is spelt the American way and I always got corrected in school for what wasn't my fault- and I still hold a grudge against it!!!) It was the week I needed. I'm used to my five week break at Easter and instead I've spent two weeks working at school and will go back to Durham on Monday two weeks early to catch up after last terms disaster. I promised my supervisor and senior tutor that I would take a break over Easter, but I knew it just wasn't going to happen. So off I went a little skeptical. It turned out to be the best thing I could have done. there were six of us there- my parents, Martyn and Simon, myself and one of Martyn's mates from Durham- Matt. Between us we went swimming nearly every day, played tennis every day, played snooker, went out for meals, read fiction, and I even managed to write 3,500 words of my dissertation!!!(who said I can't work when I'm resting). Granted I still got no sleep for the week, but I was more relaxed than I've been in a long, long time. One day (I've been so relaxed I can't even remember the situation!) Mum asked me if she thought I'd changed having waited till this year to graduate. It was an odd question. I'm used to being asked if I've changed from Helsinki and the answer is an obvious yes, and am I a different person graduating after the Helsinki experience to if I'd just graduated from the UK one, yes, definitely. But if I'd graduated last year upon return from Helsinki have I changed at all to graduating now. I'd like to say yes, I'd like to say the last year hasn't been a waste of time. And then I thought, is that what constitutes a waste of time? Not growing from the person I was but staying static- is that such a bad thing? In a way I'd say I'm more calm, not as restless as when I got back from Helsinki. I know where I'm going next year, I know it's only a stepping stone in my life and doesn't restrict me to anything but only opens more doors. Being back in my home country has made me look at my faith with a clearer head and not feel quite so out of my depth- and has it helped? Well not really, if anything I've grown further away from it. Have I changed? I don't know...I've kept a lot of what I learnt in Finland and I don't think my friends from before Finland would understand me properly. But I also feel like I've picked up some of my old traits and it makes me think my Finnish friends wouldn't know the me they once did either and I find myself more and more closing up with them. Maybe I have changed then. But would I have made this change if I'd come back and got a job instead of turning back to study. Who knows. But It's Easter now. And reading over my diary from Helsinki last night of Easter last year, I talked about new beginnings, new chances, and with the last hurdle of my degree left and next year so close in sight here's to a new year of growth and change in me, and new experiences to help me become more of myself. :-)