marishamunchkin

And the summer begins...

2008-07-22T00:09:00.002+01:00

haven't posted on here in forever...should really get my act together. but everything for the next month can be found here..... http://muppetsroundtheworld.blogspot.com/

Language Games

2008-01-30T23:15:00.000Z

I often get odd looks from my kids when they make a comment and I say that I will not accept any sort of bullying in my classroom. The response is a blank look and then...'bullying????' and I say, victimisation is a form of bullying and choosing a person's name to make a cheap joke, or put yourself in the centre of attention is bullying. I'm really strict about it, I can't stand anyone in my class being belittled, even if it wasn't intentional. So I just opened this article to read about the government's suggestions on homophobia within schools. I'm not arguing against the article or the fact that it is something both staff and students should be aware of. But there was a comment on it that I didn't really agree with. They compared calling someone gay, to saying 'those trainers are gay' as homophobic bullying. I disagree. The word gay is one of those that has changed meanings over the years. It began as a term for being happy, and then became a term for a homosexual person (usually male). Over the last few years it's become more a derogative term for something that's a bit rubbish.
I'm not denying that the change in usage could have come about through homophobic attitudes but the usage in society today of something being 'gay', particularly by kids, I don't believe is anything to do with the sexuality of someone but is just a slang term. I'm as guilty as the next cuprit for using it, it was a common term in Durham that just became natural to use. The job of the teacher therefore is to stop students using slang words generally and to accentuate their use of the English language. By doing this in the first place it's eliminating more possibilities of offending someone.
I guess what I'm trying to say, is that for me, some trainers being gay is not a form of homophobic bullying but simply a use of colloquial terminology that could perhaps be bullying someone because of what they wear rather than ever considering their sexuality for it. Maybe I'm wrong, and because the word doesn't offend me I don't expect it to others, but I think we're so keen to define things sometimes, we forget that we're all just in a language game in the end anyway built on associations and experiences.

First Love Reunited!!

2008-01-29T22:56:00.000Z

I'm very quickly realising a lot of things about my character! My grandma gave me a number of videos before Christmas that she doesn't want anymore because she's transferred them over onto DVD. I decided to put one of them on this evening and you don't need me to say more than Irish...priest...for you to know I'm in my element!! lol. Yes, I'm watching episode one of Ballykissangel and it's just as amazing as I remember it being. I couldn't get enough of it when I was younger. Every Sunday night I watched it religiously...no pun intended :-p I used to watch it thinking the Irish people are beautiful, and I'm not going to embarrass myself too much by talking about how I fell in love wih every character personally, especially Assumpta and Fr Peter!! I wanted to live somewhere like that, somewhere where faith is so integral to a person's life. The issue's it's dealt with in the first 20mins are already being planned in my head for future lessons in class but mainly I just can't help but sit here smiling, and thinking of the life I used to dream of. Maybe one of these days I will just take off and go and live in the remotest village in Ireland, with no connections to the real world and find myself the priest of my dreams!!!

Vocations Vocations

2008-01-28T21:11:00.001Z

For this next post I need to take my RE teacher's head off before I get in serious trouble!! But how come I was the only one, who when Fr Kieran walked onto the set of Hollyoaks last week and was accosted by the McQueen girls, said that he would end up being gay, and would get with John Paul the only lad in the house, who just so happens to be gay! And what do you know this week, JP gets hurt by some tosser, and Kieran admits....it was just so obviously going to happen. The question now of course is what line is Hollyoaks going to take? My guess is they wont be able to resist the scandal of gay Catholic priest. But so far I have to give them their credit where credit's due. Some fantastic lines in today's episode FK 'Do you not think that I get lonely' JP 'yeah but that's your choice' FK 'no this is my calling, I have to do it' and then of course it all lead up to that big line at the end FK 'I know exactly how you feel because I'm gay' before he looked mortified and walked out. I'm torn between whether I want John Paul to enjoy another scandlous relationship (because he always does it so naively- oooh, and then Craig can come back from Dublin, and walk into ex-fioncee Sarah , who will have just found out her Dad and best mate are sleeping together, before finding John Paul in bed with the local priest!!!!) or whether it should focus on the difficulties of vocation and giving up what you want for what you know you have to do. I didn't really lose my re teacher's head there did I?! but I did find a lovely picture of John Paul (can't find any yet of Fr Kieran!)

qualifications galore

2008-01-28T20:56:00.000Z

At the moment there are new national curiculums being brought into high schools. This all started about twelve months ago when the government demanded more cross-curricular lessons, relevant to life for today's children. They wanted to be able to show why school is necessary up until the age of 16 (and over the last few months have been pushing for it to be made up to 18). This has involved bringing in a whole range of vocational courses brought in as GCE's instead of the standard GCSE's. We've got a handful of kids at school at the moment who are in school part time and out on building sites etc. the rest of the week. Next year, St Mary's will be home to a hair and beauty salon on site, and the idea is that the different high schools in the borough will support the different needs of the students to be able to go out to train. It's a good idea, not everyone is academic. My year 11's- I adore, but none of them are going to go on and be the next world class academics. So my attention was drawn yesterday to an article about some businesses getting involved in creating courses at levels 3 and 4 so that students are able to take A levels and even degrees in training for their businesses. The three businesses in question are Flybe, Network Rail and McDonalds. Yes you read that right....The biggest mistake this country made was it's insistance that everyone had a degree. You can do degrees in David Beckham studies should you really want to (yawn) but, now a degree gets you nowhere. You can't get a job without a degree because you've no experience and you can't get a decent enough job without forking out the thousands to get the degree. I think we need to step back and accept that we are all different, and all unique, and while some people want to spend their lives researching the latest findings on some 3,000 year old texts, others don't. And while some may quite enjoy learning about David Beckham for a large proportion of their life other's want to be spending our taxes on things that actually improve the education, and therefore welfare of the country (not that I'm bitter!!!) Bottom line is, I think A levels in McDonalds is a waste of time...but feel free to argue back!!

how do you measure...

2008-01-25T22:31:00.000Z

I'm a nightmare for dates. I can remember everything I've ever done and drive people mad reminding them of what they've done. Suddenly realised quite randomly today though that it's exactly a year this week that I went into hospital. Last week in January on the Friday night. I can't help but feel grateful for where I am this time this year. I have a fantastic job that is going unbelievably well, I have good friends and I'm not convinced I'm going to die tomorrow...shame, I could do with the rest! But in the great scheme of things I find myself thinking I couldn't really ask for more! :-)

Twin Trouble

2008-01-20T23:26:00.000Z

this story was the talk of the staff room one day last week and it's really got to me! I just find it all so....tragic. Leading on from my last post about brotherly- sisterly love, this one's worse, AND true. I just cannot begin to comprehend what would ever go through the mind for something like this. Whatever you choose to do afterwards, it's going to cause heartache. Sigh....what a world we live in

Moral Choices

2008-01-11T23:05:00.000Z

'Today year 9 we're going to start a new topic, we're going to be looking at what Morality is about and what affects our Moral Beliefs'. I've started this sentence three times already this week- all of them on Tuesday! But it's a topic I talk about ALL the time. New Year consisted of meeting up with some friends from uni and discussing some moral issues in our favourite soaps :-) so the latest topic for discussion amongst us...Beth and Rhys of course- what a fantastic story line! They fall madly in love with each other and want to introduce their friends and family to this new amazing person. And then Rhys gets some bad news...his dad (who he thought was his uncle up until a couple of months ago) has died. To make it worse, his new soul mate is nowhere to be found. Completely messed up he nearly doesn't make the funeral but decides he has to go. So he turns up and his 'dad' (uncle really) introduces him to the sister he never knew about...Beth.
It's just brilliant, they've tried staying away from each other, they've both got into other relationships they don't want to be in, but they can't get the other one out of their head. Incest....wrong every time? New year, after a few drinks became a greatly animated discussion. A subject we shouldn't be seen (especially me in my professional capacity as a Catholic RE teacher) to be in favour of, but would it really, really be so wrong if they got together? Sure they'd have to move, go somewhere where no one knows the situation. Most felt they had a responsibility to not have children- but to deny true love, who has that right?! I know I know, it's just a soap, but ethics is life- and although I haven't the slightest intentions of running off with my half brother, I can't help but find issues like this fascinating :-)

tigers...tigres

2008-01-11T22:41:00.000Z

Anyone who knows me well knows my frustrations in trying to find a German course. When I get time to break from school it's one of my little obsessions, that and looking at flights all over the world. I was scanning the tv the other day trying to find something to watch. I happened to fall over a wild life programme, something I'd never usually watch but for some reason decided to stick with it. They had some tigers who had been brought over from France and were being released in a safari park in the UK after 6 months getting used to our climates! The guys in charge of them were discussing how the tigers were coping and whether they were going to be ready to be let loose in the park. One person in particular was saying- well a major issue we have to face is a language barrier, I can't speak French and they don't understand English.....since when did tigers understand French?! Maybe this is my desire to speak a language- because I know that when that wild animal attacks me at least for those few seconds before I die- we might be able to share a common understanding!!! ;-)

Confused Identity

2008-01-08T18:28:00.000Z

I can remember a conversation with Abby when she was visiting in Helsinki, and us using our normal jargon completely forgetting that James wouldn't have a clue what we were talking about! When mentioning TESCO my mind said superstore but we described it as 'like walmart'. Not that I have any clue what walmart is really like, just what I've seen on tv, which we know is always right ;-) and what other people have told me who have been there. I assumed it was near enough a good enough explanation. So I was horrified the other day when I drove past ASDA and it displayed 'part of the wal*mart family'. Since when?!?!?! Have I just been dizzy for the last...life...or have they just joined? There's an interesting story to the history of supermarket chains in the UK and how they developed but now they seem to be linking up over the waters so what is it now...British? or American?

Young Wonder

2008-01-06T21:51:00.000Z

I spent Christmas week in Spain this year, taking a break from everything too familiar and walking for hours, looking out at the endless sea and musing. Last term was tough. I loved it, and got a lot out of school, but at the end of the day I cannot deny how tired I was and how stressful some of it was. I was ready for a break. I only had one conversation in the whole week about anything to do with education and it was to my Grandad one morning about how I think the American education system is superior to ours (it's not very often you hear me say American and superior in the same sentence, but when it comes to education- one of my biggest interests I have to admit it's up there!) There's lots of little areas within teaching that people are interested in naturally, but there was one thing in particular that really got me engaged last term and that was some work we did (and I'd already researched) called P4C- Philosophy for Children, first introduced by Matthew Lipman in the States. Lipman decided that education wasn't really preparing people to be young human beings but just to be able to take exams and so he suggested using p4c from as young as 6 year olds to encourage children to think for themselves and ask the questions about life. I lead a p4c lesson at the end of the term after badgering my mentor about it and what I enjoyed was their frustration that maybe there wasn't an answer. That maybe everything they had asked was right and yet there was no right answer. Well anyway it's a fascinating study and I wont bore you too much with it- I'm just getting into it 20 years too late. Back to Spain- I spent the week with extended family and was surprised in myself at just how much I enjoyed spending time around Nathan, my cousin's little two year old. Now I don't get broody, I wouldn't say I've never dreamed of my own kids, but I think it's closer to say I've always feared them! Nathan was a whole breath of fresh air though. He's going through a 'wonder' stage atm where everything is amazing. He asked for fruit and when you put an apple in front of him he said 'oh wowwwww!!!!'. When he learnt a new word the delight that spread across his face was gorgeous and anything and everything was fantastic.

One of my favourite moments was one night when we got a taxi back because Nathan would never have survived it. For personal reasons I was desperate to just get out of the taxi and back to the room (I should have walked really) but it was automatic, as the car pulled up one of us grab Nathan, another sort out money, another get the push chair etc. etc. We were so busy and not concentrating on anything, and all of a sudden this little voice pipes up 'oh wowwww, dark!!!' And when we looked up the sky was dark. And I guess, on reflection it is wow :-)

I love watching my kids register something they've never considered before, it's one of the beauties of teaching R.E. They're often desperate to prove something that they know either society or the church say is right/wrong which is very controversial. But when you throw in a statement that they haven't even considered you can almost see it turning round in their minds, trying to reach for something but satisfied at this new nugget of information! We had a year 12 taster day for GCSE students a couple of weeks back and so used the Matrix to ask the question how do you know you are real and not just a figment of the imagination, programmed and controlled by some computer? How do you know the corridor exists outside this room when we close the door? They're questions that they wouldn't think to ask but when they do ask them it's like they're being opened up to a whole new way of thinking, a whole new thought process in life. And I looked up at the sky and thought, yes Nathan, it is amazing that it is dark. It is amazing that day after day, night after night, the sun rises and it sets. I felt privileged to be in the presence of a two year old who was opening my eyes all week to the simple, yet beautiful and astounding things that is just generally 'life'.

Lions and tigers and bears....oh my!

2008-01-06T21:38:00.001Z

Majorly behind on my posts, and mainly because I've not been at home much for the last couple of weeks. So I'm going to start off with this story which is a bit old in itself now. I was sat in an Irish bar in Spain (yes I know- don't start!) when I noticed on the news a story. One about a tiger that had jumped a 12 and a half foot wall, killed one man and injured two others.

It caught my attention not just because of the phrase 'victims are in good spirits' which amused me greatly, but because of this issue I have with wild animals. I've never been an animal person, and sometimes am known not to be a peoples person either!, but there's something about wild animals that really freaks me out. When I was little I used to be scared of sleeping, imagining snakes in the room who could kill when I was at my weakest.It was a conversation we got into in Finland, walking through Nuuksio, discussing the 'worst' and 'best' ways to die by animal. Even now when I go out of my back door at home I sometimes imagine I can feel a presence of a wild beast (because of course lions and tigers roam freely in Wigan?!) I don't know what it is that makes me so insecure about it all. I love visiting zoo's and I've never had a bad experience with an animal, not even with something like a dog. I just have this inbuilt fear of being ripped apart by something I'm completely defenseless with. Maybe it's just paranoia, or maybe it's premonition and one day I'll be walking through some zoo somewhere and you'll see on the news about how some tiger/lion/bear/crocodile escaped from it's cage or how I was walking on my own somewhere as I'm prone to doing, pondering over the world and life when a panther or snake came upon me and you'll remember this post and think- well at least she's in good spirits now cos it's all over!!!

Speaking of what we know not of....

2007-12-17T20:42:00.000Z

These last two nights I've been watching 'Make me a Muslim'. I was addicted to 'The Monastery' in 2005. 'The Convent' in 2006 made me distraught! But with a project to complete in a couple of weeks on Islam I thought this would be a fascinating programme, and it's certainly been that! One particular guy in it has really annoyed me though. He's a taxi driver in Harrogate and to begin with continued to eat pork, drink alcohol and go to lap-dancing clubs. His view was we live in England and there are enough Muslim countries. We don't need their rules and regulations where they don't fit here. I hate the ignorance of comparing a nation with a faith. If he knew anything about his nation he would know that it's Christian by tradition- another dogmatic religion, so similar to Islam, with such similar histories. We have a monarchy, the head of the Church of England and Bishops within our government. His view of Britain was a hedonistic, free country where everyone has a right to their own life. He's looking at his home country through rose tinted glasses and contradicting himself in the process.
As if I wasn't irritated enough by him (although he did start to give them a chance) he then turned around and belittled all world religions saying they were wrong. He said that religions were only about a short space in time, a couple of thousand years old and the world was older than that. He then quoted from the Bible saying, it says 'In the beginning was the word' and said so therefore the Bible's wrong from the start because it didn't start with Jesus. AGAIN, if you're going to argue against it so arrogantly get your facts right. Genesis begins the Bible with the creation of the world, with two different creation stories- the creation of the world and the creation of man. The gospel of John begins with in the beginning was the word and the word was made God. That is not saying the beginning of the world began with Jesus, it's saying the beginning began with the word- the logos, God. God then came down through the incarnation as Jesus for humans to be able to grasp a concept of the logos. It has nothing to do with when the world was created and to dismiss all religions and to say 'If I'm proven wrong and it's proven God exists then fair enough but if I'm proven right I want every religion to say so' is missing the point altogether. He's completely missed the purpose of the program and of faith. It's got nothing to do with proof but a complete intoxication of the self, something he might begin to appreciate even if not understand if he followed the fasting and routine offered within Islam.
Rant over!

Advent, a time of preparation- and stress!

2007-12-09T22:11:00.000Z

Ok, I'm just going to take the opportunity to moan about 50% of the population- or however much it is. I've had it up to here today with men- they're doing my head in. I dunno, maybe it's just me not having time to talk to anyone these days, although if I'm honest it is partly optional- filling my life with work even when I've completed more than enough. But I decided this weekend I was going to take a grip on my life- do the washing that should have been done 3 weeks ago, catch up on my mentor reflections of the last 13 weeks etc. So I put on my nerves of steel last night and did stuff I should have done months ago with my life.
I then headed to ASDA at lunchtime today to get my latest prescription from the doctors in the hope it wouldn't make me as physically ill as last weeks did. While there I picked up some staple diets we'd run out of at home. Queuing for a while I finally got to the front of the kiosk and asked for some cigarettes. The lad behind the counter grinned at me and said 'no'. As I say- today was simply not the day to push me! When I stood there looking at him with daggers he said, sorry, I forgot now what it was you wanted, so I repeated- 40 Benson and Hedges please. He replied with 'have you got any ID?' I know for a fact, that however young I look, I do not look 15 years old! and so through gritted teeth I decided not to trust myself to speak but instead handed over my drivers license. BIG MISTAKE! He then started going on about how that wasn't me in the picture and then when we established that it was, could he keep the card to 'perv on'. He's lucky I simply handed over the money and didn't tell him where to stick the cigarettes. Swine. Driving home afterwards I wondered why I got so uptight about such a little episode, but I didn't really need to wonder.
It's advent- two weeks until Christmas. I hate Christmas, always have had. Trying to do lesson plans on the theme of advent this weekend has been the hardest thing I've had to do so far this year, I've sat there staring blankly at the computer unable to write anything. I simply can't concentrate on the message of hope when I want to crawl into bed and drink the period away. Today has been the day that I've realised officially, Christmas is only two weeks away.
Having said that, I worked all afternoon in my room with Martin fixing my bed which had snapped in three different places, and when I got upset this evening, Andrew said nothing but got the Baileys out. So I can't blame the whole male species who seem to be doing a spectacular job at winding me up at the moment, but I will continue to sullk now for another 4 weeks I should imagine- so be warned, I'm just not a fan of the human race at the moment!

Top of the World

2007-12-05T18:58:00.000Z

So here was me talking about Finland's superiority in literacy last week against the UK, and I kind of knew that they were good at maths because the head of maths in school was talking to me last year about how they've got courses in Finland because of their individual teaching techniques...and low and behold in the news this week Finland is top with North Korea in the world both in Reading and Maths. Full details are in this report. Maybe I should move back....but the I thrive on the challenges here in Wigan atm. :-)

Lost Lesbians

2007-12-03T22:48:00.000Z

I sparked off a fascinating conversation today in the staff room. I was going over the key words for my year ten's new topic 'Marriage and Family Life' that we're starting tomorrow. It's been difficult to find appropriate photos for with words such as 'promiscuity' 'pre-marital sex' and 'adultery' but my particular problem was with 'homosexuality'. I wanted to use a picture of a gay and a lesbian celebrity couple that the kids would know. Could I find any famous lesbian couples though?! What a nightmare. So I turned to a couple of the history teachers to ask them and distracted them from their work for a good 20minutes while they tried to think of someone. They advised me to talk to the psychology teacher so at lunch I asked a couple of psychology teachers, another 2 re teachers, and a cover teacher who all struggled to think of a couple. Even within soaps, all the female couples in soaps ended for one of them to go back to their boyfriend/husband. From this the conversation went on to the acceptability in British culture of lesbians and whereas we tend to assume it's so much more than it ever was, maybe it's not as much as it should be.
Luckily, I got to come home tonight and the boys gave me lots of examples to use, with me sat there going, 'really?' 'I never knew she was', 'ooooh, I didn't know that', clearly displaying my ignorance in not being up to date on my celebrity gossip. But I wonder if there is a point in the staff's comments today and whether there are still problems with homosexual acception, particularly in women, in the UK in 2007.

Scouse in Sudan

2007-11-28T18:43:00.001Z

This story just proves that we live in a mad mad world...

Reading, reading and more reading.....

2007-11-28T18:31:00.000Z

This is linked to what I was talking about the other day in terms of literacy in England. It's interesting that to say we've fallen so greatly in the world scale the report is saying it is parents who need to get their acts together, not the schools. I'm not arguing with them- just interested!!!

Memories

2007-11-26T20:38:00.000Z

Today was a normal chaotic day. We got up late. School was busy. Found out I had a meeting after school I knew nothing about when I'd finally booked an appointment at the doctors 8 weeks too late! Missed the meeting and drove to the surgery miles away through tea time traffic. Then went to the pharmicist on the way back, driving in the rain and dark. Arrived back exhausted and not ready to do all the work I have to do tonight.

Andrew and Liam had also just got back. From the vets. Bruce ran out in the street today and got hit by a car. The house seems empty. The bag of crisps I'm managing to eat somehow I should be fighting to eat on my own. As for the work I'm meant to be doing...

But anyway, I was thinking about something dad was saying the other day. Rob came up with his gf this weekend and we were telling him about a home video my grandma's recently put on a dvd. Dad was commenting on the photos on the wall of my gt gt gt granfather and how important photos have always been for people and continue to be. He was saying that you just can't find anything to replace photos to look back through.

I've spent the last month since I moved in properly here thinking- I should take a picture of Bruce. He's always up to mischief. Last night he ripped a tennis ball apart. Took us a while to clear up all the mess he'd made. Stole some bread from Andrew when his back was turned for a second. He really wasn't impressed with Gromit. When the three of us (me, Bruce and Gromit) sat in on Friday night together he wasn't happy with the addition at all. And now, we've no photos. Nothing to remember him by. And yet somehow that makes it easier. I've hidden all my photos and anything personal in my room. My life at the moment is blank like the white walls, focussed only on school. Maybe that's the best way to go, the way it should be. Certianly makes situations like this easier to deal with. The less emotions involved the better.

Communication

2007-11-24T16:51:00.000Z

When I applied to spend a year in Finland in the back of my mind there was an element of thrill at the fear of going to the unknown. The biggest factor was probably that I was about to leave my comfortable Catholic diocese of Liverpool to a land of 7 diocese, 20 priests and one bishop. Everyone asked me about how I would cope and that was the prime concern for me. How would I manage without my mass, and familiar structure. It felt like a wilderness from the strong basis I was leaving. And yet since I've returned my eyes to my home town have been opened more and more as I began to look beyond the religion to the society and the place in which I've grown up. The place I would have once described as traditionally religious and passionate is becomming more and more vague in my understanding of the place.

As I've mentioned countless times, Wigan is in the top 4% in the UK of unwanted teenage pregnancies, with England the highest in Europe. On Wednesday I learned that studies show that Wigan and Leigh are in the battom quarter nationally of adult literacy. From this, there is at least a 10% gender gap with it very often being the father in a family who is unable to read, write, listen and speak to a particular standard. Whereas I oftern moan that we should have a system more similar to the American one when it comes to education, this session on Wednesday went on to compare ours to that in Finland. The blank, wilderness with no God or spirit for me. Finland has the best education in Europe, with them only starting at the age of 7 parts of the literacy scheme. It is one of the biggest faults here that we start to make children learn to write at 5 when they can still not speak properly.

As a teacher I should be concerned about this, and I am- it embodies everything I work for and need to consider. But what I began to think about on Wednesday is that at one time I would have thought, but the positives- the faith, the passion, the beliefs; these, we have got right. Today...well the question stands as to what is more important to a community- the ability to be able to communicate to God or to each other?

Bonny Blighty

2007-11-21T20:34:00.000Z

On Sunday I decided to head back down to the North West via home. This meant driving back home via the lakes rather than the way I had driven there from school. Part of it was the relief of managing to find my way back to the M6 I think, but driving through the hills made me think...yeah England is beautiful, why do I spend my life trying to escape from it? I then thought...calm down Maria! Before I know it we'll be announcing the engagement, and looking for good schools for the imminent kids. Can't be coping with this contentment! Think it's time to settle back down into my bitter twisted state before I get too carried away!!!!!

Memories forever

2007-11-14T21:17:00.000Z

Remember remember the 11th of november. Any kid in the UK could quote that to you. It sometimes gets confused between the 5th November (Guy Fawkes night) and the 11th, but the 11th is by far one of the most important days in the nation's year. This year, our Simon was playing in Leigh, as chance would have it! So Sunday morning, myself and Andrew got dressed up in suits and walked into the centre to watch the procession. On Saturday night I went home and we watched the national events at the Albert Hall. We sat there saying 'well that's another war we shouldn't have entered into', 'that was a waste of too many lives'. Traditionally it is WWI that is remembered on Nov 11th, and with it WWII. But more and more now other wars are being taken into account and all the lives lost in the wars, with all the people it has affected. I was thinking about it a lot on Saturday night during the two minute silence, watching all the poppy petals fall to the ground-

This is one of the few days a year when the nation really goes all patriotic. For one day every year the whole country remember what it means to represent your country, to be linked to your nation as a whole. Religion and state are intertwined. Each year fewer and fewer men survive to tell the stories, but the nation wont let them forget. The cadets of the air force and army marched through Leigh, with a combination of brass bands merged together for the day. Old war heros, proudly displaying their medals, marching with the utmost respect and sincerity. Young beavers, girl guides, cubs and scouts- 'doing their best' for queen and country, as Lord Baden-Powell encouraged them to do, the promises etched onto my heart from when I was 7 years old. I used to love the processions when I was younger- singing the national anthem, processing to the Brass bands. These days I have a different understanding of the day but all in all- and I don't often say this- it's a day that I feel proud to be British.

Hel-sinki

2007-11-08T23:12:00.000Z

My kids told me about this this morning. Having just got home I went online to fine out more. Every day I seem to despair at the human race even more.

How often do we stop?

2007-11-06T22:35:00.000Z

I have returned from my voyage in lands unknown and by Tuesday feel like I've never been away! Saw lots of the sights in Budapest and walked for miles, broken foot and all :-)

One of the best things I saw though was an art sculpture when passing through a park. It was quite simple but the plaque at the side made me smile. It made me think of all my year 12's and what they would say in philosophy, it made me think of my year 8's who have been looking at different types of worship, but most of all I just liked the idea of it- especially the line, 'should we stop or keep running? by which may we gain more?'

'Freedom

Are we still able to stop and meditate? To be glad and daydream? To be fond of the ancient power of water and wind. Are we able, do we want to associate if today's sculptors offer ideals and visual thoughts to be associated?

Should we stop or keep running? By which may we gain more?

The glass object swimming on the water and bearing the reflection of its environment embodies our desired freedom.

As a giant bird it would like to take wing just now and to forget about every trouble on earth.

Free, moved by the wind, it shows through its meditative movement that the world might also be thought of like that, there may be perhaps intellectual and spiritual tasks which are more important than everything else in the drifting of everyday routine.

And if we stop, are we able, do we actively want to take part in the composition of the accompanying world's movement into an image?

Are we able to abandon ourselves to the joys of interactive creation?

The sculpture created by the means of 'miminal art' thus without instruments offers virtual image elements. Walking round the sculpture we ourselves may produce a steadily changing, film-like series of images depending on our intellect and visual ability. The spectator is not a sufferer of the sculpture but an organic associate creature of the artist'

Away with the Fairies

2007-10-26T18:54:00.000+01:00

It's half term!!!!!! I've managed to go a whole 8 weeks without doing anything but living, sleeping, eating school. Posting anything about anything doesn't happen. BUT I have a whole week off now. A whole week to get lots of stories and pictures (and questions!) in Budapest :-) yay!

No Niin!

2007-09-02T10:38:00.000+01:00

Well- what can I say really?! I think I should take the credit here cos since I went to Finland they've won both the Eurovision Song Contest AND the Eurovision Dance Competition. As an avid Eurovision supporter it's obviously my enthusiasm that has put them up there at the top of Europe. It also explains for Ireland doing so well aswell! As you may have gathered, I was more than at home last night watching the events. There were lots about it that made me smile- but mainly the stereotype casts that the Eurovision seems to excel in. I particularly liked the comment Len and Bruno made on the Finns when they said- They are the best dancers here technically but they just lack passion. Then later on Claudia asked them if they'd had a stressful week as they had only been selected for the competition a week earlier and the reply was 'stress? no... we have worked hard and are ready' :-) I miss the Finnish people! And the Irish...well it's the Irish people who remind me I actually do have a heart, because it stops beating whenever I see/hear anything remotely Irish. That Irish dancing in the show.....just to die for. It really does make me catch my breath, and as for the young Irish lad dancing- just awwww! The Pole's also did themselves proud and I loved the music they used. I am a bit of a fickle character in that if I like the music half the battles been won, and the Polish music was great- esp. the first song- maybe I should take my Polish hairdresser up on her offer to go out wiht her brother this week if they've such good taste in music!!! I was also amused to see so many dances with items of clothing being ripped off. When Abba did it so famously in the song competition it caused a storm, and so last night I lost count at the 5th act that included it in their freestyle- and more often than not revealing the country of their home- what pure cheese! But all that can be said really after last night is bring on 2008, and Hyvaa Suomi!!!

Eurovision Dance Contest

2007-09-01T12:42:00.000+01:00

My favourite continent+a sport I love+competition= a very exciteable Maria :-) I've just realised that tonight is the Eurovision Dance Contest!!! Based on the eurovision song contest, held in May every year, tonight is going to be a dance off across countries of amateur dancers. I've just been looking at the website of all the entrants. How ironic that teh two representing the UK are not native Brits when the woman representing Austria was born in Liverpool! According to the website Finland is the 6th happiest nation in the world...really? My Grandad had a huge go at me last week for not being patriotic to my home (interesting when he's spent 22 years telling me I'm naturally Polish!) but I'm afraid I'm going to have to let him down tonight because I don't think I'll be voting for Camilla and Brendan. I mean- Poland always gets a vote from me in anything, and Finland gets my support whatever, wherever, whenever. Then there's the fact that the Russian girl is called Maria and since I was little I've supported Maria in whatever capacity (take for example Dana International in the Eurovision Song Contest) and then there's Ireland. How could I not be in love with the Irish entry- whatever they do, simply because they're Irish!! I've been trying to figure out how to make this weekend pass quicker when home alone with Monday looming, so this sounds like the perfect excuse :-) Plus- how could a night with Graham and Claudia not be fun?!

Stress= School

2007-08-31T10:03:00.000+01:00

Apparently a new survey shows that children starting school are getting stressed about it up to six months before they start. Stressed? Really? Is a four year old capable of carrying the worries and anxieties that we relate to the word stressed- that thing that makes us ill when we don't sort it out. I'd say it was accurate to say some of them are anxious- and why wouldn't they be, they've been told by their parents it's soon their turn to go to 'the big school'. I was the most anxious child you've ever met. I didn't speak throughout the whole of preschool and infants- that's four years, too scared to walk confidently into school or answer the register. But I wouldn't say I was particularly stressed- not before starting anyway. I think children can build up a fear or hatred towards it once they've attended if they dislike it but for so many to be 'stressed' 6 months before they start I'm not really convinced. Now if you want to stress kids out before school you should spend three hours the morning that they're starting taking photos of them. As you can see in this picture Simon looks less than impressed at starting his final year at St Peter's and it's probably because he's been stood there for ages while dad gets it just right- now that's stress! And also- if they think the kids are stressed, they should look at the teachers!!

Holidays, parties, thoughts and silence

2007-08-26T21:07:00.000+01:00

Once again, I seem to have got behind on my postings recently. I always seem to have so much to say about everything and the number of conversations about life changing opinions I've had in the last week has left so many questions and theories out in the open. So why is it when I sit in front of a computer they all go out of my mind! I have just had a fantastic 4 days in Rome though with some friends from Durham, followed by a graduation party for myself and Martyn at home. I am now, however, back at home for good (well until October anyway) and I'm sure a few days back in Wigan will be enough to have as many useless posts as usual going up instead of the rare silence of Maria from the past few weeks!

Cross Cultures Accepted

2007-08-20T11:46:00.000+01:00

Generally speaking, I like to moan about the English and American cultures crossing over- it comes from my need of perfection of English grammar and spelling with a year spent in Finland listening to everyone's American English presentations, regardless of where in the world they were from. But just once in a while when I realise I was wrong I will back down and apologise- and this is one of those moments- so make the most of it! In a post about school back in February, I was aghast when one of the kids I was working with told me he'd been playing baseball the night before. As I said at the time- who plays baseball in the UK?!? Rounders, yes, but baseball?? Last night my little brother showed me (well, more accurately, my mum decided it was time I learn) how to play on his wii. So I was competing against Simon at tennis, golf, bowling and...baseball. It suddenly dawned on me that this is where the kids get it from- and more than likely they weren't playing real baseball (like we did rounders- back in the day ;-)) but were playing on the wii, which in itself is American English. Never one to pass up an opportunity to make some comment though- what on earth does 'spare' mean in bowling?? We have strike if you knock them all down in one go, and if it takes you two go's then its a 'half-strike'- that makes sense. Where does 'spare' come from for a half-strike and just generally why??

Ann Widdecombe vs Prostitution

2007-08-20T11:20:00.000+01:00

On Wednesday I sat down in front of the tv specifically to watch a program- which is quite unusual for me these days. The program of interest was 'Ann Widdecombe vs. prostitution'. I don't know why I wanted to watch it, maybe it was H House's fascination over Ann Widdecombe this year, or maybe it was just the ethical issue at hand but something made me note that on Wednesday at 10pm I should switch on. And I can honestly say I spent the next half an hour irritated. The MP spent the whole time running around the streets shouting at girls saying that they were ruining the living areas for their neighbours. She accosted them as they came out of the police station and told them that they should go home to their mothers or they'd end up cut up in plastic bags like the victim who's mother came to explain her story to them, and she said that no one wants to be on the streets- they do it only for drugs and so everyone should go home and sort out that and prostitution would cease to be a problem. Maybe it's because of my theology background that refuses to believe in black and white situations, and also that I don't believe for one moment that attacking it in such a way is going to bring an end to one of the worlds oldest professions, but I sat there thinking- you haven't once considered the background- the real background- to any of these girls. You haven't considered why they do it, how much of a 'victim' they really are and whether or not they want to give up. It's good money, tax free, by all accounts- why should they give it up? And on that note this weeks is on benefit frauds, where apparently, Ann gives the sound advice of 'get a job'! I rarely get involved or have any interest with politics and it's at programs like this where I remember why...

Confused by the Rain

2007-08-20T11:09:00.000+01:00

This post has taken me so long to put up I can't find the link to the article anymore, but it made me smile so I'm just going to talk about it anyway! I only half saw the review on the news so I can't go into a great amount of detail but apparently some owls were brought over to the UK 9 years ago and are kept in the zoo. The owls only mate though, during the monsoon season and so there have been no new 'baby' (?) owls since they were moved here...none that is until this year. Yes, apparently, all the rain we've had this summer has confused the owls into believing that it's the monsoon season and so the zoo have been celebrating their first ever baby owlings. I can't help but wonder if it's cruel to bring over owls that only mate during the monsoon season when we don't get such weather. Either that, or create a monsoon for them in the conditions they live in- but don't get me started on zoo's and the rights of animals or I'll start talking about that lion in Finland again!!!

A*

2007-08-08T13:11:00.000+01:00

This post is a bit late going up, but is worth not missing out altogether....the New A level. I missed the A* being introduced into GCSE's- by quite a few years. But I remember discussions about it between my mum and piano teacher (who was doing her GCSE's) and yet today it's accepted that there should be A*'s. They're on about bringing them in for A levels now. But where as it used to be 60%= C 70%= D and 80%= A they're now saying that anyone receiving 90% or over will get an A*. I wonder if it's me, slogging my guts out to get my A in RE that makes me go- but that undermines all the A's before. It's true results have changed. My dad got into med school with 3 B's which wouldn't get you anywhere near medicine today. But even so, I think the whole point of A levels, means that yuo should be aiming for the A. Also- it means the top universities are going to push even further. It's not enough to get onto some courses in Oxford, Cambridge, Durham, Warwick today with 4 A's. You also need to prove that you've gone above and beyond. Now they're going to push to only take A* students (plus extra curriculur) and...I just think it's going to become even more elitist. YET the government are bringing in all these new A levels, and shouting at the universities for not taking people on from all backgrounds. It's going to be interesting.... (article here)

Diana/Camilla Feud

2007-08-08T11:51:00.000+01:00

At the end of this month the nation will be remembering Diana, Princess of Wales at her ten year anniversary. That makes me feel old! It's one of those moments that everyone remembers what they were doing when they heard that Diana had died. Brought up a Roman Catholic in England I guess we were kept away from royalism to a certain degree but I can remember my mum teaching us the family and who was who and who would become who, when walking home from primary school. Yesterday I had a tv programme on in the background while I was working who were discussing whether or not Camilla should be at this service for Diana. Camilla always was the 'other woman' and the nation, who loved Diana, hated Camilla. Over the years though they have come to accept her and are, I would say, happy for Charles now that he seems settled and content with his life. Charles has requested that Camilla be at the service for Diana but many have said it would be seen in bad taste. The opinions on this show I was watching were varied but I have to agree with one of the comments that surely it's up to the boys to decide if they want her there. Someone said it was unfair to put this burden on the boys and they might not feel like they can say no to her but they are 24 and 22 years old, William is heir to the throne, I don't see that if they say to Camilla- this day is about our mother, we'd rather you weren't there, that she'd (or has the right to) be offended. Or that if they say- please come with our father, that the nation should then create uproar because they don't want to see her there. Maybe it is the Catholic in me that says why has it got anything to do with us what happens? Or maybe it's just the right to privacy I believe people should have. But shouldn't Diana's memorial service be first and foremost for her sons- and anything offered to the nation, is offered as a remembrance to pay personal respect- not to judge who should and shouldn't be able to pay their own respect and support to the royal family.

Tradition vs Modernity

2007-08-05T23:28:00.000+01:00

1st July saw the smoking ban enforced in England, last to act in the British Isles with Wales, Scotland and Ireland already adhering to the rules. No longer is anyone allowed to smoke in a public space. It's amazing actually the difference it makes. The other day Martyn made a comment that everyone at home seems to smoke. I think Durham was quite unique in the fact that I could name on one hand the number of friends I have who smoke in Durham. And maybe it is just that the crowd we know at home are those that we work with who practically all smoke, and are less than impressed at the new ban. One of the guys from work did say that he smokes a lot less now that he has to go outside for it than he used to- so maybe it is deterring people away. But the response to Martyn's comment was 'of course', Wigan's a traditional mining town and along with the stereotype of any English Northern town comes the heavy drinkers and smokers. It is true though, however much the 'class' system seems to be merging in the UK you can definitely still see the roots of the town affecting the way life is lived around here. And it got me thinking about- when was the last time Wigan actually was a mining town? When were the mills up and running and not just converted into their current day usage? How long ago was it that Wigan Pier was used for the barges to bring coal up the canal as we used to learn about in history at school? And yet although life is no longer like that the lifestyle is still there, it's hard to lose. Does that mean that the smoking is never going to be lost from a town like Wigan? We seem to be in a changing culture over the last couple of decades, increasingly aware about the environment through climate change, and global warming, and our own health such as STD/I's and the effects of drugs/alcohol/tobacco. But all this awareness- will it actually change the way in which life is lived or will the identity of a town, clung onto by locals despite not working in the town that fits that identity- continue the tradition, regardless of what the rest of the country is doing?

More...

2007-07-28T19:10:00.001+01:00

Decided to take myself off to Mass this evening as I've had a few days in solitude and felt just being amongst people would be healthy even if I didn't speak to anyone. There was an article in the newsletter as such:

Unsafe Headstones

The survey has been done and those with yellow stickers need attention by the owners of the grave to make the headstones safe. Those with 2 yellow stickers are deemed to be in a dangerous condition and require immediate action which will be taken to make them safe.

Is it me, or is that a completely insensitive message? I saw some of the 'yellow stickers' as I left- big gashes of masking tape across the headstones. Surely it would have been more appropriate to say, some problems have arisen in regards to safety and so if there is a marker on your loved one's stone please come and talk to me for further information. Just sounds a bit more...personal to me than- keep better care of your graves or we'll mark you out! Maybe it's just me reading that in the message having been riled by most of the things in the Mass, but after all my talk on how death shouldn't be approached cautiously this week- I can hardly claim that it has been here!!

Dead Talk

2007-07-27T16:42:00.000+01:00

Lots of small comments to make and muse over from the last couple of weeks. I went walking quite a lot just around Standish when I first got back from Durham. One night after school when I'd set off I was drawn into one of the local cemetary's by a 'happy 21st' balloon. The grave stone displayed it held the body of a sixteen year old girl and the balloon was left with flowers and a card from the girl's mother. The stone next to it was for a little girl who had died just one day old and I wondered if it was coincidence that two people, who would be considered in today's society, to have died 'early', to lie so close together- and whether that would in fact be comforting for the visiting relatives to be surrounded by grievers who understand some part...
On the train to Liverpool I read an article in the paper about cutbacks that have been made in crematoriums. The basic gist of the article was that bodies were now to be saved and burned at the end of the day/week together- basically whenever there were enough bodies to fill up the ovens. There was outrage over this and one person was quoted for saying- we do need to make cutbacks, but not with our dead. Why not with our dead? All the ceremonious funeral arrangements in the past have been for religious views. Looking at the mummies last week in London, all the effort was gone to because of the belief that the body must be preserved, so that it may pass on to the next life. But in our 'secularising' society that we supposedly live in, with few people believing in any faith, including a life after this one. So if this is the case- surely there's no need to keep spending unecessary amounts of money.
It strikes me that, in the way that no other religious ceremony has done, no one can let go to the funeral. This show's most clearly in places where tax is required for the faithful. In Finland, more and more people leave the Lutheran Church each day and yet the graveyards are run by the Church and without membership, and taxes, you cannot be baptised, married and burried in the Church. Marriage isn't an issue these days for most people, and Baptism is not as fearful as it used to be. Yet the funeral is an issue and is something- that whether it's a last minute plea/hope, just in case, or a desire to do one last thing for their loved one- the funeral causes more problems, I would say, than any other liturgical practice within the Church.
Then at Lucy and Kieran's wedding last week a group of us got into a big discussion about funerals. We talked about whether it was important to plan your own funeral, how we've dealt with other people's funerals and what's important/imperative to include. For me, I'm always ok until the music starts- and it is ALWAYS the music that sets me off crying. I can usually then sort myself out until another hymn starts and again I cannot hide it any longer. I've always been affected by music and it can easily determine my feelings. But my mum's made me consider my own funeral hymns for years, and it is something always in the back of my mind. When in school one morning with a couple of the RE staff, one of the guys was telling us how his friend was brought into the church in the coffin to 'Bring Him Home' from Les Miserables. I was taken aback when he said it, and have played it on the piano this afternoon with a whole new light. It's a beautiful song, and perfectly perfect for a funeral. And so I'll end with the lyrics.....

God on high

Hear my prayer

In my need

You have always been there

He is young

He's afraid

Let him rest

Heaven blessed.

Bring him home, Bring him home, Bring him home.

He's like the son I might have known

If God had granted me a son.

The summers die

One by one

How soon they fly

On and on

And I am old

And will be gone.

Bring him peace

Bring him joy

He is young

He is only a boy

You can take

You can give

Let him be

Let him live

If I die, let me die

Let him live

Bring him home, Bring him home, Bring him home.

Wet Wet Wet

2007-07-25T23:55:00.000+01:00

Well this summer will certainly be one that's remembered in the UK. The Monday that I was in Milan England had the most rain EVER (not just in June- but ever) recorded since they began recording dates. My grandma rang me up today to tell me she's counted two days of sun so far this summer. The last I heard, which is a few weeks ago now, the damage has mounted above one and a half billion pounds. People have lost their homes and possessions. On the news today they were talking about the effect of tourism in the Lakes. Although it was interesting that they said people camping had fallen 75% with only 200 campers compared to the usual 2,000. Last time I checked 25% of 2,000 was not 200- but either way- it's a big issue for all involved in trade that requires a British summer. How they got through Wimbledon this year I've no idea. This photo was taken about an hour after it started raining this week in London, and about 20mins after it started last week I struggled to get home because all the streets leading to my house were flooded. And out of the whole country the North West has probably done the best and suffered the least. Last summer was unbareably hot- and this one has caused destruction. Welcome to Global Warming.

Finally finished!

2007-07-23T16:13:00.000+01:00

The World's gone mad! or at least, England is, I don't know how the rest of the world are taking it. I can remember back to being 12 and my 6 year old brother being told to stop reading on in his new book because my mum wanted to read the book to him. So after he finished it (which didn't take very long) I read it and that was my initiation into the world that is Harry Potter. With the recent release of the 5th film it's been a huge week for all Harry Potter fans as the seventh, and final book was released on Friday night. My friend queued the night before her wedding to get her book and they were talking about how much they'd all read by the wedding at midday the next day! I've spent a number of hours with so many different friends over the last few weeks discussing- what's going to happen. Whether our ten years of guesswork is true. And there's a surreal feeling to the end of it all. And yet at the moment I feel fear. I'm not reading it until next week when I get home and can enjoy it. But there's so much fear of when I switch the internet on, when I watch tv, listen to the radio in my car- so many opportunities where the ending could be spoiled. Whatever anyone thinks about J. K. Rowling or the 'Harry Potter' fad, you can't help but admire the woman for creating such a sensation- world wide. It annoy's me when people harp on about the blasphemic elements of Harry Potter, and I'm far too accepting of everyone's beliefs. Harry Potter as a work of fiction therefore doesn't even come into this same category for me because it's not about beliefs. And yet the behaviour around the book- the eager anticipation for the arrival of it and the devotion given by all it's followers have amusing similar reactions to that of religion. Perhaps the difference is that this all has an end- and I look forward to reading it next week!

Back from the insular world

2007-07-06T18:22:00.000+01:00

I have to admit- there's no other word but useless for my updates on here the last few months. Finals managed to keep me distracted and away from keeping my life updated. Then in the last month along with graduation I've been in Durham, Newcastle, Sheffield, York, Barnoldswick, Wigan, Leigh, St Helens, Liverpool and Milan! It's been quite a busy few weeks but I'm finally getting on top of everything again. Today I've managed to FINALLY get my photos online, to update this, sort out my email accounts AND buy a car. So now- there's no excuse for the future!

Eurovision a la Helsinki!!

2007-04-12T00:08:00.000+01:00

DO NOT WORRY your little heads anymore. Whatever is getting you down need not, for the Eurovision is only a month away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) and just in case you missed that....ONE month :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Cross Culture

2007-04-11T23:45:00.000+01:00

Ah it's my good old favourite picture again :-) So why the international theme when I'm back in Durham?? We've got a Canadian group in college at the moment for a conference. So tonight I decided to head to the bar- not to see them but just for a break from thinking. To begin with, everyone who came in was far too over-excited at the fact we were serving Carling, a Canadian beer. Becky didn't have the heart to tell them we're changing them all next week. Good job I wasn't working- I appear to have mislaid my heart! We also had the football on cos Liverpool were playing and Becky was working, so we were half-watching that, when someone at the bar asked someone else 'So are you into football' (10 points to him for using the correct terminology), and she gave a far too over-excited response. I love the way everything always seems so over the top. It's probably not, it's probably just that we're all so low-key in the UK but sat watching these people all night was highly amusing. The best part of the night was when someone asked where the toilets were, and one guy in a ....you guessed it!....far too over-excited voice declared 'TOILETS....NOW THAT'S JUST VERGING ON OBSCENITY'. :-) I love the way everyone elses culture delights and repulses us all. We then got talking of our own experiences of cross-culture, from the little things like the fact everyone tonight was tipping the bar staff for their service to things like my experiences at the ballet in Moscow. What fun, I could talk all night, and observe all week!

And then, as if to make my week the only person there under about 40, good looking, tall, dark, came over to talk to us. Opened his mouth, and alas, was Irish!!! That's the third Irish person I've heard in two days. I don't know where they're all coming from, I've never noticed Durham to be particularly Irish-dominated before (and apparently I've got an amazing ability to pick them out in a crowd-or so I've been told!), but they can keep coming as far as I'm concerned:-)

well that was a good night wasted when I could have been working.......

A break to think

2007-04-07T20:21:00.000+01:00

This week we went away to Center Parcs (Yes it is spelt the American way and I always got corrected in school for what wasn't my fault- and I still hold a grudge against it!!!) It was the week I needed. I'm used to my five week break at Easter and instead I've spent two weeks working at school and will go back to Durham on Monday two weeks early to catch up after last terms disaster. I promised my supervisor and senior tutor that I would take a break over Easter, but I knew it just wasn't going to happen. So off I went a little skeptical. It turned out to be the best thing I could have done. there were six of us there- my parents, Martyn and Simon, myself and one of Martyn's mates from Durham- Matt. Between us we went swimming nearly every day, played tennis every day, played snooker, went out for meals, read fiction, and I even managed to write 3,500 words of my dissertation!!!(who said I can't work when I'm resting). Granted I still got no sleep for the week, but I was more relaxed than I've been in a long, long time. One day (I've been so relaxed I can't even remember the situation!) Mum asked me if she thought I'd changed having waited till this year to graduate. It was an odd question. I'm used to being asked if I've changed from Helsinki and the answer is an obvious yes, and am I a different person graduating after the Helsinki experience to if I'd just graduated from the UK one, yes, definitely. But if I'd graduated last year upon return from Helsinki have I changed at all to graduating now. I'd like to say yes, I'd like to say the last year hasn't been a waste of time. And then I thought, is that what constitutes a waste of time? Not growing from the person I was but staying static- is that such a bad thing? In a way I'd say I'm more calm, not as restless as when I got back from Helsinki. I know where I'm going next year, I know it's only a stepping stone in my life and doesn't restrict me to anything but only opens more doors. Being back in my home country has made me look at my faith with a clearer head and not feel quite so out of my depth- and has it helped? Well not really, if anything I've grown further away from it. Have I changed? I don't know...I've kept a lot of what I learnt in Finland and I don't think my friends from before Finland would understand me properly. But I also feel like I've picked up some of my old traits and it makes me think my Finnish friends wouldn't know the me they once did either and I find myself more and more closing up with them. Maybe I have changed then. But would I have made this change if I'd come back and got a job instead of turning back to study. Who knows. But It's Easter now. And reading over my diary from Helsinki last night of Easter last year, I talked about new beginnings, new chances, and with the last hurdle of my degree left and next year so close in sight here's to a new year of growth and change in me, and new experiences to help me become more of myself. :-)

Change in Stations

2007-04-07T19:56:00.000+01:00

So what was that about Benedict being too conservative and a bad choice for Pope- changing the Stations of the Cross can't be considered anything but radical. So many artists and musicians have depicted the Stations and it was the one thing we learnt at school that made you know instantly that you were in a Catholic Church. I've spent two weeks at school looking at Lent and the Stations. My gut reaction to Benedict's move was, well this is gonna mess up the curriculum and every Catholic church around the world, and it's also going to date every piece of art making it that more distant and irrelevant to people's lives. I have to say though, that I do have some sympathy with Benedict's choices as well. I've always considered the Passion to start at the Garden of Gethsemane- not with being condemned. And Judas and Peter are a big part of the story as well. I'm not convinced by cutting out the 3 falls, or the fact that it goes from meeting the women to being crucified, missing the humiliation of the stripping of the garments- which again I think should be there. However, I do like Jesus meeting his mother being moved to after the crucifixion though- much more scripturally accurate. Doesn't really matter what I think though- it's been done!! Talking to Steve about it before the Good Friday service yesterday, he suggested we get moving ploughing all the mosaics surrounding the Church off the wall. It's going to mean a huge change in every church but whether it's one that goes down well remains to be seen. Something tells me it's going to be noticed more than JPII's addition of an extra mystery in the rosary in 2000. Old rosary beads are now outdated- but at least they can still be used. Old stations of the cross are soon to be that- old, with removing a place for anything apocryphal in the Church's liturgy.

Pro Life Propoganda

2007-03-25T20:24:00.000+01:00

I went to church with mum last night. We both got a hymn book and a mass book and a church bulletin. But Mum also got a couple of pictures inside the bulletin as well. No one else seemed to have one but then I wasn't really paying attention and it may have been a 'in every few copies' thing. It wasn't until everyone went to communion and I was doing some reading off the back of the bulletin that I noticed the pictures properly. Very little shocks me any more, if anything it interests me. But when I showed it to Mum and she noticed the dead foetus she was horrified. We came back home and I showed them to Dad, and Martyn and Jen, all of them equally horrified at the fact someone could put something like that into a hymn book. But surely that's the point of the picture? If it offends us it's for a reason, this picture was surely always drawn to shock. But does that necessarily make it right to put it in there?? I'm a firm believer that we shouldn't necessarily be protected from anything. I will never apologise for studying God as I told someone last month who warned me to be careful. I wont avoid issues which don't fit in easily with what the Church teaches. And I positively watch and read things that contradict everything I've been brought up to believe and accept as truth. But in the way I don't expect to be protected, should these groups respect their sheep, let them see what they want to and protect them from what is uneasy. I want to say no, we should be able to talk, express our own opinions and yet tomorrow I'll go into school and teach the children all the things I've spent the last 2 years doubting, I'll encourage them to live the life I'm not able to live at the moment, and I'll protect them from the 'truth', as much as truth is ever true, by giving certainty in things we can never be certain of. Does that make me a hypercrite? Should I say yes, take that out of the hymn book or should I just understand that whatever position I take I'm going to be contradicting my own values and beliefs.

New Wigan Arcade

2007-03-24T21:55:00.000Z

Had to pop into town today to pick up a couple of bits and pieces so decided to have a wander round the new arcade that opened this week. The grand opening is later on in April with McFly and the Wigan Youth Jazz Orchestra (that our Simon's playing in). It's nice inside, Wigan now have a H&M, a TJMax, a Waterstones (yay!!!!), a HMV, a Costa Coffee (which is good cos its fairtrade) all these shops that we've had to head to the city for in the past. I had a brief look, and they're not huge shops, the Waterstones for instance doesn't have an extensive RE section or choice of international language books. But it will do I suppose! The question is now whether or not it ruins the rest of the town. There's been talk of it creating a ghost town, and the galleries failing as the major shops have moved to the arcade, but I don't suspect it will make all that much difference. To say it's only been open for 3 days, I'm not denying it was packed inside today, but the rest of town was equally busy as well. We'll have to wait and see the long term effects though.

Premonitions

2007-03-23T23:50:00.000Z

This week has been a long week in school. I've been up at 6am everyday and kept busy all day every day between re and the chaplaincy. But it's been good. A lot of what they teach isn't that different from what I learnt- I guess I'm not that old!- but one section I've enjoyed observing is the year 10 classes is religion in the media. Using films like Keeping the Faith and Sister Act, which I've bored you all to tears with in the past, the kids have been looking at what religious morals and issues come across in T.V and films. I went to the cinema tonight to chill with Jen. We had no idea what to watch and randomly chose Premonitions, with Sandra Bullock. It is packed with issues to do with the church, although almost subtly done, not appearing until three quarters of the way through the film. I've just been looking at some of the reports on the film and it's got a lot of criticisms. But for me, it was one of the best films I've seen in a long time. It's the sort of thing I'd have watched with Mis late at night last year, not my typical choice of genre, but definitely definitely worth seeing as far as I'm concerned!!

And just for a few thoughts, remembering the faith scene in keeping the faith, this one tells us 'Faith is just searching for somthing beyond yourself. like hope....and love' It also talks about the 'danger of the faithless' being a 'curse' or a 'miracle'. As usual I have my own opinion on these phrases but watch the film, and see what you think yourself!

September 2007: GTP

2007-03-14T19:28:00.000Z

After a mad confusion this week I can now actually confirm, having spoken to the boss myself, that I'm all sorted for next year :-) I didn't know anything about the GTP course this time last year. I found out about it after the deadline and somehow managed to get scam them into giving me a late application. I was then in hospital when I found out about getting an interview and it was debatable whether or not I'd make the interview. Having been told in the interview that there were no spaces for R.E teachers available but that I had a good application so they were letting me through the first round anyway I figured that would be where it all ended. And somehow I've found that the school have made a place for me having decided not to put me through the second interview stage and skip to just offering me a place in the school next year to train to be a teacher. I'm still in complete and utter shock! I've gone from six days work experience to a permanent position next year and that really excites me and terrifies me at the same time! But it's a good school, I get on well with the Headteacher, Head of R.E and chaplaincy team and am looking forward to working with them all over the next twelve months. I thought you might all like to see the school that are destined to put up with me and if you're REALLY interested this is their website:
http://www.st-maryshigh.wigan.gateway.talmos.net/default.html
now I must go and live up to the G in GTP (Graduate Teacher Programme) and get that degree of mine!

communicating

2007-03-14T19:16:00.000Z

Last January Jimmy introduced me over msn to facebook. It quickly became an excellent and easy way for me to contact my friends at home. I could poke them letting them know I was thinking about them while they were all busy with finals. When I came back home I was able to use it for communication with friends from Helsinki, especially recently as more of the Helsinki crew have joined it. I could also quickly make friends in Durham and not feel like I didn't know anyone as everyone started adding me. Then in the last few weeks it's started to take off with all the people I went to high school with, most of whom I haven't seen since I was 16. So all in all I've used it in a variety of ways to communicate with different areas of my life.
This year has been the first year that our freshers have had it since the beginning of their university career and we've seen groups set up like 'campaign to get x and y together- how fed up are you that they're not yet a couple' and little missions like that to thoroughly humiliate each other, which makes us look on and think 'thank God we didn't have it in our first year!'. Then this last week a student in Durham has died and his profile has been flooded with messages from friends. It was a completely surreal experience reading some of his wall and seeing a new way in which the same thing can be understood. I've been looking at the internet a lot recently for an area in my dissertation and how it can influence and portray specific groups. Communications a weird thing anyway, especially in writing. There can be no limits to interpretation but it just fascinated me how many depths could be found to something that actually has no depth at all.

Eurovision Final

2007-03-14T19:03:00.000Z

It's nearly the Easter term...that means it's nearly Eurovision!!!! I went swimming with Becky yesterday and we were chatting about holding a Eurovision party this year. It's never been done officially before in college but it's kind of known to be a bar event so this year we want to go all out! (She says with her finals ahead of her!) I've just been sent James has a lot more information on this years competition in general so I wont repeat it (although I don't necessarily agree with some of his comments!!!) but bring on May 12th...it's going to be a good night!

Newsflash: Groundbreaking Discovery

2007-03-11T20:44:00.000Z

I discovered today that the best thing in the whole world is...................Fresh Air!!!! Lol. Yes I think I am actually going insane. There's just four hours of lectures left of my degree and with 5 days left of being able to show my supervisor anything of my dissertation, I'm ever so slightly stressed out with work!!
For that reason I've been locked in my room for two full days. I stepped outside today and I can't even begin to describe the elation of, 'my God, how good is fresh air!', and instead of staying in and doing some work I went for a walk for a little over an hour. It was amazing!!! I fully recommend it anytime...
Having said that, last night I had a CD on and was like, how beautiful is Pachelbel's Canon (whatever Rob Paravonian might say!) I think I'm that absorbed in my degree I've become overly appreicative of everything!!
So while I'm on the recommendations rant...yesterday I watched a film with some of the girls in college. We watched Devil's Advocate because two of them hadn't seen it before, and if you've not seen it you HAVE to. One of my lecturers gave a talk last week on the Devil in Cinema and he said it was his favourite portrayal of the Devil. But it's one of Keanu Reeves' better films and Al Pacino is just amazing (as usual). Definitely, definitely worth a watch.
I also started listening to the song 'The Spanish Train' by Chris de Burgh to see whether it was relevant to my dissertation. I don't think it's stopped playing since. I'm worried as to how fond I've become of it, and even dedicated a whole section of a chapter to a theme around it- I like it :-)
And last but most definitely not least we watched a French-Canadian film in our lecture course a couple of weeks ago. It's called Jesus of (de) Montreal and is directed by Deny Arcand. It's become a firm favourite of mine and I've been sat looking at it on play.com and amazon since wondering if I should just blow the money and buy it (which I'm blatently going to do). It's not as hardcore as the other Jesus films we've been watching as it's an allegory rather than a biopic, but it is absolutely outstanding. Everyone must see it!! It's just...amazing. So if you're looking for something to do this Easter- watch this!

Catholic laughs

2007-03-08T20:23:00.000Z

For the last thirty or so hours I've been completely engrossed in my dissertation, I have to be! Today I've been writing about a Bishop who exorcised ghosts from Oxford Road Football Club, an airport, in Thailand, who felt they were cursed and needed to be exorcised before any more planes could leave, a shoe shop who believed their shoes were possessed by a ghost, celebrities hiring exorcists so they can get married in haunted castles and a church named after Tom Jones in California that uses his music for baptisms, marriages, funerals and exorcisms!
I've just come across a joke published by a Catholic writer. Apparently he told people to lighten up on religion and get a sense of humour and everyone wrote back saying you never make fun of the Catholics! And this was what he wrote:
'Have you heard about the new method of Catholic exorcism? The mother phones the Devil to get the priest out of the child'
hehe. Having been known as 'the priestmaker' for a number of years that joke feels dangerously familiar!!
The small article then finishes with 'See, us Catholics can give it and take it. So to speak.' ahem, I'll let you decide exactly what he means by that!!

theology laughs

2007-03-07T00:16:00.000Z

After a talk tonight a couple of us went for a drink and I couldn't help but laugh when Mat said (in quite a surprised- the stereotypes are really true?!- voice) 'aren't scandinavians really serious!!!' and proceded to tell a story of someone in the department this lunchtime. But what has really made me smile, in addition to Theo saying when I go and visit her in San Diego we'll go to the Creationism Museum dressed as gorilla's with an umbrella and very 'English' accents, is this quote that she put on her facebook status that reads as follows...
"Consider the problems of taking showers with [Christians]. They are, after all, constantly going on about the business of witnessing in the hopes of making converts to their God and church. Would you want to shower with such people? You never know when they might try to baptize you!" Stanley Hauerwas, "Why Gays (as a Group) Are Morally Superior to Christians (as a Group)." The Hauerwas Reader pp.519-21.
I'm sure the amusement, tickling inside of me shouldn't be so sinister!!!

small mercies

2007-03-06T00:28:00.000Z

It was in first year that I heard that during the results period in June they close the towers in the Cathedral so that students can't do anything stupid...
Maybe it's just that time of year, or the fact there's still so much to do and no time to do it. February was a particularly tough month for me, and when I wasn't in trouble I was causing it because of everything else going on. It all reached it's climax last Wednesday (28th) when I had a dissertation meeting. Two hours of tears later my supervisor had cancelled most of my terms work and set me a specific timetable for the next week. Tonight I was beginning to panic again having sat staring at a computer screen most of the week so I took myself out of my room and to H House. When I went in they were having a discussion about who has less value and should die! It's also a well known fact that if someone in your house commits suicide you get a 2.1 for that year because of the grief and trauma (or at least that's the rumour...I don't know how true it is- thankfully!) The difference with this discussion was the willingness to volunteer from people! It's dissertation time, everyone's out of their mind with stress and I don't think things are going to be as bad during exams but we'll have to wait and see! In the meantime I did actually get some work done. Not a great amount but more than I would have done in my room (the irony that more work gets done in a suicidal room than in my room full of happy photos and music) so at least I have something to show on Wednesday now :-)

Close-knit communities

2007-03-05T12:10:00.000Z

On Thursday I bumped into a mate of mine in town. I did music A level with Ed at Runshaw and then the week after our exams he moved down south. Ed went on to do a gap year and then came to Durham to do music in my second year. We've probably seen each other 5 or 6 times since (Although he was actually in Helsinki for a few days last Easter when I was there...) So as usual it was a HEY!!! event. He introduced me to the person he was talking to at the time saying 'Ben this is Maria who did A level music with me'. Ben said, yeah you know her brother don't you? To which I thought...how does he know who I am?! And Ed said, yeah I did an education module with Martyn in first year. What?!? The next night I went to Jazz Rock and Cocktails and Ed comes in! Twice in two days...wow. Ben comes over to talk to us (apparently he's from Aidan's) and introduces Ed to Jonny, his house mate and band mate, who happens to do theology with me. Meanwhile I find out that Beckie who was the first person I met this year in the theology department lived with Ed last year. Agggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!! Durham's claustrophobicness. A blessing or a curse?! I'm off teaching now where I become Miss Bajkowski for the afternoon anc none of this incestuous closed world goes on!

making maps

2007-03-05T12:04:00.000Z

I just typed 'uk map' into google as last week I was trying to explain where places were for the kids when we were reading a book. I resolved to take a map of the UK and a map of the world with me this week. So I found a clear enough map and printed it off. When I went to pick it up from the printer there were random comments made on certain places in the UK which could only have been made by someone in Durham. 1.- What are the chances of the 859,000 maps available, that I chose this one to print off. 2.- How completely and utterly random!

An eclipse of thoughts

2007-03-04T01:21:00.000Z

Tonight was another Jazz, Rock and Cocktail evening in the JCR. I didn't really get any sleep yesterday and have consequently sat for about 6 hours today staring at the computer screen and getting nowhere with my dissertation. I'd promised to ring home this weekend and so on the way went to visit Becky. Having just split up with her girlfriend this week and needing a shoulder of support I somehow found myself going along with her to the JCR when all I really wanted to do was curl up in my own room and sulk! Half way through the evening someone announced that there was a lunar eclipse happening outside, so out we all ran to have a look. I guess it was exciting to begin with, I don't know- astronomy's something that's never particularly bothered me, probably because it scared me so much when I was little. All around me everyone was talking about how unimpressive it was, and how it was probably better to see elsewhere in the world to England and it was at this point that I was drawn into the conversation. Someone else said that it was a great astronomical thing to see and someone else said it was more of a great theological thing to witness (?!) It reminded me of the film Angela's Ashes and the way in the film it represents an end and a new beginning, and it made me think about what else may seem so different in other parts of the world, and how things are in this country. And things in my life at the minute that are ending and beginning. And my degree. And the world. And then we got bored, and went back in to watch the rest of the performances!

Munchkin!!!

2007-03-03T16:46:00.000Z

Went to Stuart and 'Tasia's last night for Stuart's '16th Birthday Party'. He was talking about being 28 on the 28th, and with horror I realised that this year I'm 23 on the 23rd...I'm getting old... But I was sat with my lecturer at the time who's 31 and Stuart and 'Tasia, I couldn't get too distraught!! I wasn't really looking forward to last night, I wanted to stay in and sort out my life but went along anyway. We had a really good night. Towards the end of the night they decided to start playing a game called Munchkin!!!!! :-) I was so tired, I couldn't tell you the rules really. I just sat there looking vacant whilst hiding the cards me and Davina weren't supposed to have and looking after our levels so no one else knew how we were doing, while occassionally throwing frogs (that were part of my 'Princess Maria' party bag) at Pam when we got the card 'flying frogs'. I just got very excited that there was an actual game called Munchkin! Think that may have to be an investment at some point in the future...

cross culture

2007-02-27T09:54:00.000Z

so I was teaching yesterday afternoon. It was the first day after half term and the week before they'd had OFSTED so it was a much brighter atmosphere in school from the last time I was there. I had some new kids again who were reading different books to in the past. In one of my groups we were reading a book called the 'Stowaways'. I don't particularly like the book because it's hard to engage them in what's going on. The main character doesn't have a name because it's written in the first person and the two boys in it want to be sailors, not footballers like most of my boys! So I was trying to engage them with the interests and asked if anyone had been to the sea. One of the lads then went into this enthusiastic tale of how he was playing baseball at the beach once and the ball went in the sea. Sorry....baseball?!?! Since when has anyone in the UK played baseball?? We played rounders when we were at school, and in the summer term at uni in the parks, but although a similar game, we would never ever have referred to it as baseball, or known really about baseball. So I was sat there thinking...flippin tv, all this American rubbish our kids watch!!!

Then later in the afternoon I was working on some one to one reading with particular children. One of whom had just started the school that day. His literacy work was poor for a year 4 and he was far behind a lot of his classmates. I was reading a book with him and it was talking about heroes. The first hero was an American athlete who had won the 100 metER race, the 200 metER race and the 400 metER race. I appreciate that the book was about an American, and was probably from the States itself, but these children are struggling enough at nine years old to read simple words like 'when' and 'around'. When they actually get round to working on their literacy skills they see the word metre spelt 'wrongly' three times, they learn what it looks like and then the teacher marks it wrong when they write it and it knocks their confidence back even further forcing them to retreat into themselves and gain no confidence.
hmmm, have I ranted enough there? I know I'm a stickler from grammatical errors, and spellings is a little bug bear of mine, but if we're teaching our kids English, it makes sense to provide them with English books, at least until they're old enough to distinguish between the two spellings, doesn't it???

Wanted: Saint

2007-02-24T18:38:00.000Z

I was feeling pretty fed up on Thursday. Lots happened Wednesday and my head just wanted to explode, or at least I wanted to go and punch something (or someone!) to let out all my frustrations. But instead I organised lunch with Theo and on the way there went to visit Bede. You can't feel angry at Bede. Who am I going to go visit next year when I'm out of Durham?? No one by any chance has any spare relics lying around they want to get rid of do they?

Heart Broken

2007-02-19T19:01:00.000Z

This was the only picture I could find of me crying...and I wasn't even crying, I was drunk! But anyway, I'm distraught. I got my exam timetable this week and it was fine. Exams on the 15th and 16th May, and the 29th and 31st. Quite well spread out really. First week and last week of the exam period. I also thought, the Eurovision is always around the 22nd ish, so nearest Saturday to that is the 19th May. With a timetable like that I could actually go to Finland. I could have a weekend off and go and see the show I've always wanted to see live since I was little. Looked up the information online, and the Eurovision's on the 12th!!!!?????? Since when is the Eurovision so early in the month?!?! that's just ridiculous. I went home on the 14th last year and missed it by a week. It's just not fair. There's isn't a cat in hells chance of making it now. That glimmer of hope lost for another year.... :-(

General update

2007-02-19T00:03:00.000Z

So why haven't I been updating my blog. Well I didn't have the energy to for about a week. But other than that things have actually been really busy. Exam dates and graduation dates have been posted on the internet this week and the space is there for publication of exam results which is scary! Doesn't seem two minutes since I was checking everyone's results out last year. Work is going as fast as ever. Too much to do in too little time. Teaching is fine and seems to come round on a Monday all too soon each week. I had a job interview at home last week and keep thinking about needing to apply for more. It was my brother's 21st last week so the family were up in Durham to celebrate. And as usual college doesn't stop! We had a Las Vegas night in college one night. This last week has been Duck Week with events on every night. On Valentines Day we had an Anti-Valentines party in H House with a secret valentines. Like secret Santa, we all chose a name out of a pile and bought that person a present. On the night we exchanged gifts, watched 'Little Miss Sunshine', which if you ask me isn't as brilliant as everyone's making it out to be. It's a good film, but I don't think it's particularly amazing, and we drank lot's of wine and ate chocolates and sweets. The weekend before Valentine's Day we had a big cocktail party at H House with the same culprits for Jo's birthday. I left home early to get back for this and it was great fun :-) We all go dressed up, and bought in more alcohol than we could drink between us in a month! Many a cocktail were mixed, many a song sung to and danced, and we all forgot about our stress for one night. On Thursday we had a 'Valentines Charity Dinner Dance' as part of Duck Week, which also happened to be Clare's 21st (who organises formals). So there were jazz bands and the like for that, along with valentines hits of last rolo's and wooden roses for sale to be presented for people throughout the meal. Tonight we had presidential elections in our JCR meeting (how are we that far into term?!) On Wednesday it's the Duck Star in Your Eyes Final, which Aidan's have won the last two years so I'll have to be there supporting Becky and co. And Saturday is Aidan's day, which I've never made before because except for last year when I was in Helsinki watching the Winter Olympics, I've been on retreat at Lindisfarne with CathSoc before. And the doctors told me not to stress and relax?! I barely have time to breathe these days...

Las Vegas Night

Cocktail Party in H House

Martyn's Birthday at Chiquitos

Friends

2007-02-18T23:42:00.000Z

As I've been so useless at posting anything recently I feel a post is necessary to acknowledge my friends. I don't know what it is about February but there's always something dramatic going on in my life! Last year I had a lot going on and was pretty fed up. Then at the beginning of February especially, Mis was being absolutely amazing and we were really developing the friendship I cherish so much today. He dragged me out to Birdie where we met James,who has since put up with more than his fair share of my rant and stress! Birdie was also the first night out Eni had back in Helsinki since her return from before Christmas and one of the first times our whole tutor group went out together drinking sociably. From there on in I met so many incredible people who have become good friends :-) A year later I find myself returning to Durham after a headache put me in and out of hospital. My fears of last year of not meeting many people this year were pretty much gone in September, but the number of people who text, emailed, phoned, sent cards, presents, asked how I was was just phenomenal. I really do feel like one of the luckiest people in the world at the moment with the best friends I could ever hope for. :-) :-) :-)

Random Thoughts: Mortality

2007-02-18T23:20:00.000Z

I've been thinking a lot recently about mortality. Don't know why. Maybe it's because the daughter in law of the man two beds down from me in hospital didn't bother ringing his five sons to inform them he was dying because it was 2am. Or that in the second ward they moved me to, one of the other patients, a 91year old lady, was shouting out all night 'If you're there God, please help me', or the look of fear in my dad's eyes as I repeated my symptoms to doctor after doctor alongside the glances they all gave each other, or my issues on LAD that have been plaguing me since May and affecting my faith big time, or maybe it's just the fact I've seen more episodes of Six Feet Under in the last 9 days than is actually healthy, but either way, I've been thinking about it a lot!
When I was young I was terrified of death, and thinking of a conversation with James on a walk last April, and seeing the Six Feet Under series I've been thinking about what a difference it makes having 'Open Casket' Funerals. About the way our culture shuts death away and doesn't acknowledge it properly. And I was thinking that maybe if we went back to the days when bodies were kept in the home until the funeral we wouldn't be so afraid or unwilling to discuss the topic. If something is seen as natural it's more easily accepted.
Then one episode I was watching the restorist in the program show pictures of his best work and then said that they were cremated and 'what a waste', and I thought, because obviously it's much less of a waste burying them underground?! And then I got to thinking about all the money that we put into embalming and restoring dead bodies only to let them decompose. Why do we spend so much money? I mean don't get me wrong, when we played Smoker's Wild as kids we always wanted to be the undertaker because they got all the money, and I appreciate it's a profession that needs to make a living. But is there really a need to spend money on making up dead bodies rather than using it for something productive.
But they do say that funeral's are for the living rather than the dead- which brings me back to the open casket thing. Although I think some faiths would say the funerals do actually have something to do with the soul of the deceased and are important. But can't your soul be restored without your body being? And that just leads me back to my whole issue on bodily resurrection and the after life. I'm going round and round in circles and something tells me I'm never going to come to an answer anyway because it's the one thing we can't avoid but know nothing about.

Globalising Conditions

2007-02-18T23:12:00.000Z

I sat down at the table the first day I got home at Christmas and my fifteen year old brother turned round and said 'so, Maria, is there a theological explanation for global warming because I've been thinking....'. Then last week one of my mum's friends came round to see me when i got out of hospital and the conversation got onto global warming. (when I say conversation- I lay and listened really!) They were saying how when they learnt about it at school it wasn't real, they never really believed it was going to be something of their generation's concern. Then the other day I noticed this link and passed it onto a friend who's dissertation is about climate change. Today I was walking from the bar back to my room to grab a jumper because it was so cold in the bar, and outside it was t-shirt weather. The sun was shining, the sky was blue and it felt more like May than February. It could just be a warm day, it could be coincidence that we've had one of the warmest winters in years, that we've only had 2 days of snow in Durham (and elsewhere in the country) this year. But it just got me thinking, and this is from someone who try's to avoid thinking about such things!, about my mum's conversation and what it means about the future...

apologies, apologies, always apologies

2007-02-17T14:02:00.000Z

ok, i know I'm useless...no new posts in weeks. I'll get onto that this weekend, just along with no new posts there's been a limited amount of work done so I need to get on top of that first. I'm amused that I just came across this advertisement in my research 'Devil. Order now and get free delivery'. How thoughtful of him :-) Like I say- I've got work to do!!!!

maria is highly unimpressed with the inability to post anything recently. not that she's necessarily had anything to post, but it's the principle...

2007-01-29T00:17:00.000Z

music mourn

2007-01-26T15:25:00.000Z

my life as I know it is over...Music Zone closed down in Durham yesterday! When I came back after Christmas I was surprised, yet delighted to find an 80% sale in music zone. My excitement was quickly deflated when I heard that the reason was, they were closing down nationwide. *sob sob* Yesterday, to my horror, I found out they had closed the one in Durham for good. Where will I go now when I'm stressed out and fed up, to buy a cheap DVD. My happiness vice as I know it has been lost!

always one to heal!

2007-01-18T01:13:00.000Z

Having shared a room with Sarah in my first year, and then a house in second year, she got to know me pretty well! And she's always managed to send me presents that make me smile. Today I really needed cheering up. And I got an unexpected parcel through the post saying, I loved catching up with you last week, anytime you want to come to London you're more than welcome, but saw these and thought of you! Have them as a welcome back to Durham present!!
I love them! my very own Jesus plasters!! what more could I want?! They cheered me up a lot and we've been plotting since how to use them. I'm tempted to go into my lecture with one on my cheek tomorrow just because I think the lecturer will love it!!! But I have to say the free gift inside is just to die for...it's beyond hilarity and stupidity and made me smile for the first time today! Good effort!! :-)

nothing

2007-01-14T00:39:00.000Z

Term starts on Monday morning and everyone arrives back in Durham tomorrow. I've been up here a good few days early so that the panic on how much work I have to do this term has really set in! Just tonight though I felt empty. Not as in lonely, or sad, or stressed, just empty. a nothingness, And while not really thinking about it a song a mate introduced me to last year about there being more to life came to mind. Don't know where the feeling came from or why it made me think of the song, and I'm sure by the morning it will all be forgotten. But if you know what I'm missing let me know cos I haven't time to think this term, at all, let alone to let my mind wander!!!

All in the life of a film

2007-01-13T14:59:00.000Z

Last night we were watching 'Eyes Wide Shut'. Tom Cruise becomes involved by chance in some sort of cult in the film (which is ironic enough that he has become so involved in scientology now) but when watching him move from room to room with sexual activity taking part in all rooms, of all types, Emily said to me, 'what I want to know is what's going to happen when all those girls become pregnant', and midst copying up some notes on my computer while watching it, completely unphased, I said, 'oh no what they'll do is abort at a particular time, and then the foetuses will be eaten as part of a ritual', and then as an after thought, 'hey! i guess i have learnt some stuff over Christmas after all!' erm...does anyone else feel slightly disturbed by this?! It was only when I stopped and thought about it afterwards that I began to think- hang on, this is not a normal life you lead Maria!

oops

2007-01-13T13:09:00.000Z

the easiest thing in the world would have been to come back to Durham and watch DVD's all day everyday. But I've been working on my dissertation and getting myself ready for the term. As a result I've ONLY watched 7 DVD's in the last 2 days. Does this count medically as an addiction????

it's the place to be

2007-01-11T11:08:00.000Z

So I'm not procrastinating...honest! I just happened to notice a little link on MSN this morning when I was loading up my emails that said 'the top 7 sexiest cities'. How could I not look at it really!? No. 1 was Galway....excellent. My obsession with the Irish is obviously appreciated! No.2. Liverpool- well you know- I do practically live there some periods of the year. Not a usual destination choice but as it's European Capital of Culture in 2008 it's become the new place to be! And no. 3........(drum roll please)........Helsinki!!!!!! Yes I know, I'm as shocked as you are. Was not expecting that. And so I feel compelled to give you what they say about Helsinki. The only thing I have to change is that you should go BECAUSE it's the Eurovision, not despite!

(also...where the hell's cafe soda?? and most of the bars turn into nightclubs..or at least most of the nightclubs act as bars in the day so what's so special about it??)

If you recall French president Jacques Chirac's scathing comments about Finnish cuisine back in 2005, you may feel a little sceptical to read that Finland's capital city is fast becoming a gourmet's paradise. But Helsinki boasts many fine eateries, including Chez Dominique (the proud owner of two Michelin stars), and Mecca, a trendy new port of call where diners are given a choice of chefs, but not told the actual dishes (luckily, everything's delicious). It also pays to look out for restaurants offering the 'Helsinki Menu', which guarantees mostly organic ingredients.

In the evenings, the city's hip young things see how long they can stand the cold in the Arctic Icebar (the record is 90 minutes), then head to Cafe Soda - a bar that transforms into a nightclub after hours. Need more proof that Helsinki is hip? The city centre is packed with galleries and boutiques, where you can snap up homeware and accessories by Finnish designers such as Marrimekko. Oh, and Helsinki is hosting the Eurovision Song Contest in May - but don't let that put you off…

philosophising as a car

2007-01-08T10:51:00.000Z

But it was long ago and it was far away,
Oh God it seems so very far
And if life is just a highway,
Then the soul is just a car

Nipped up to Spar last night to get some photocopying done and this song was playing in the car (Objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are, Meatloaf). and those last two lines about the highway and the car, last night I thought that is just rubbish. there is no meaning behind it whatsoever, it's just two lines that fit in and rhyme correctly. This morning walking back home I thought...well actually, I guess that- and started philosophising that maybe I was being harsh last night, and there is something in it after all. What do you think? Do I need to get a life and step outside my degree for once?!

cricketers...the new soap stars in show business

2007-01-08T10:38:00.000Z

well I promised you the freestyle dances from the strictly final...and yes they're online now :-) (there goes any hope I had of passing my degree....)
I'm not usually a huge fan of the freestyle, much more interesting to see the 'real' dances- but there's always a few advantageous lifts in them. So here you can see Mark's freestyle, and here Matt's.
It's been interesting this week seeing the competition 'just the two of us'. Try and mention to my brother that crickets boring and he wont talk to you for a week, he's a fanatic on it. But for those who aren't there's very little enthusiasm for the sport. That's why it's been interesting to see that last year's strictly winner was Darren Gough, this years, was Mark Ramprakash, and in the final of Just the Two of us, was Mark Butcher (who should have won it really in my opinion).
It seems these cricketers have a natural showbiz talent, well judging by their performance in the ashes this year, they may as well succeed in something!

moments of madness

2007-01-08T10:18:00.000Z

Just a few picture of the Christmas that is(was) the Bajkowski household...

blank

2007-01-06T16:24:00.001Z

i have nothing to say, and haven't had for a week. this is a new experience!......

Banoffee Pie!!!

2006-12-30T22:59:00.000Z

The other day mum made some banoffee pie. She used to make it loads when we were kids, but it's a rare occassion these days. One thing to say about it: love it! there's very few loves I have in life, except maybe my music, and dare I say it my church (well we have a love/hate relationship!)- and naturally my friends. but if you ever want to cheer me up this is how to do it! I'm even going to be nice and give you the recipe ;-) go me- sharing all that love around, well it is Christmas after all!

Recipe here!!!!!!!!!!

another world

2006-12-30T22:32:00.000Z

When I was little I knew when I grew up I wanted to play an instrument in musicals. When we went to see a musical I'd spend half my time watching the show, and half my time entranced with the musicians, and how much they were enjoying it, the one who always read his book inbetween scenes because he wasn't required and the conductor who lived and breathed every note along with me. This weekend we went to Manchester as a Christmas present for me and the boys. Yesterday we went to the Bridgewater Hall to see a concert performed by the Halle Orchestra and conducted by Carl Davies. The concert, 'All that Jazz' featured hits from musicals on stage and in film, featuring hits from the Lion King, Dirty Dancing, Phantom of the Opera, Evita, the King and I...the list was endless! We were sat at the top and my feet didn't touch the ground by a good few inches. I was like a little child again, thrilled with the music. And during the performance I couldn't help thinking, whilst spotting two of our old teachers from 6th form college, I wonder what would have happened if I'd done that music degree and not the theology one. If I'd pursued my love for playing in a group and composing instead of struggling with the Bible and the Catholic Church! And couldn't help but wonder if I'd followed my music if neither my music nor my faith would be in shattered pieces as they are at the moment.

Well can't dwell too much on that. After staying over night in Manchester we spent the day today pretty much to ourselves. Everyone else went to the January sales shopping, and I went for a walk. I walked for about an hour thinking about life et al it seems to be (well it is nearly New Years Eve-I'm allowed to reflect aren't I?!!!) Then we went to watch Mamma Mia at the Palace Theatre. To be fair it was a fairly weak story line, reminding me of a novel I read last year. But the music...I can't even remember the last musical I went to see- that's how long ago it is. But if you ever, ever want to win my heart musicals are the way forward! I felt ill at lunch when we watched the news reports on the hanging of Saddam Hussein, which did actually remind me exactly why I do study theology, and the incomprehension at how a 21st century society can hang someone. But then for two hours I was able to escape away from the world I live in, into one that although I know now, unlike when I was a kid, will never be my world, is still one I'm happy to occupy for a short while!

Boxing (literally) Night

2006-12-27T23:45:00.000Z

back in July I wrote a post called give me back my rose-tinted glasses. Last night I went out for Boxing night. I promised months ago to go out with Jenna and have turned down so many nights out this holiday simply because I'm studying most of the time and I cant afford to because I'm not working. Boxing Night is the biggest night out of the year in Wigan. The whole town spend all year preparing, and people come from all over for it. The theme is fancy dress, and as Suzanne said the other night, the girls in Wigan wear less than the prostitutes in Berlin, so a fancy dress theme brings out some interesting costumes! I resent it because it's packed, it costs an average of £20 to get into a club and you have to go out ridiculously early to get in anywhere. So last night me and Jen were in town at 6.30pm having already drunk a full bottle of something. We had an ok night, saw lots more people I haven't seen in years and Chris came out with us again (after I forced him from Saturday night!) which was lovely to spend time with him. Chris left just about the time that Jen's kind-of boyfriend turned up with his best mate. We pretty much left the club straight away and though we wanted to walk back to Jen's getting a take away en route the two boys put us in a taxi insisting a party back at one of their houses. The boys live in the middle of nowhere and although they insisted they'd pay for the taxi and one back for us today it was obvious we could get stranded easily, and what they wanted out of us. Jen said no we were going home and asked the taxi driver to stop. The boys told the taxi driver to carry on cos we were going to a party. The taxi driver ignored Jen's constant pleas to stop the taxi for about 15minutes and only stopped when she screamed because he had driven so far from where she lived. Now it's fine that she know's the boys kind of, and we're both pretty sensible. But if we had of been unaware of our actions (which after 7 hours of drinking is understandable!) or we'd had a drink spiked, or we hadn't known the boys at all, we'd have been in a lot of danger. It's true the boys were drunk, but with Wigan like it is, and the fact that having bottles thrown at your head, fights breaking out etc. is a common night out in Wigan it doesn't help when taxi drivers show no responsibility whatsoever towards girls when they take them home...as you can say I'm a little irated by the whole situation

Christmas Presents all round.

2006-12-26T01:09:00.000Z

best of wishes to everyone...hope you've had an amazing Christmas :-) Christmas in the Bajkowski household has been as eventful as ever. Good and bad parts as always but no ones gone to bed drunk or crying (yet!-and as I'm the only one left up there's hope!) so it can't be that bad!! Just thought I'd put a couple of links up for anyone whos interested in all I've talked about for the last week ;-). I can't get any from the final on Saturday night, or surprisingly enough today's Christmas special! But there's one of the showdances from last year and a couple from the semi-finals. I enjoyed them anyway so if you're like me and trying not to think about how much work you've got to do tomorrow I'm offering you some form of procrastination!!
Zoe Ball's Freestyle in last years series:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3V2uFBRxq4
as early as week 5 from this year. Mark and Karen faced disaster when their mics got all caught up but came out with a stunning performance afterwards
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-ZXj0lBJoI
and then semi finals, week 11. Everyone had to do the Argentine Tango, and they all struggled with it, both the celebrities, and the professionals who hadn't done it themselves before. I didn't think Emma's was great, and Matt got slated for his which I didn't think particularly fair, but Mark's...well see for yourself what you think:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mywclvPw1KI

Mark also gave a fantastic showdance in the final on Saturday but as I say I can't put that one up yet! So hope I've managed to distract you all for at least 20minutes :-) Happy Christmas everone, one and all. xx

agitated

2006-12-24T19:42:00.000Z

i may have got a little bit drunk last night...and i may need the computer and phone hiding from me next time...but after a number of hours today lying on my back thinking 'im going to be sick' I am finally feeling human again :-) however, I'm not a happy bunny. even though it was just wonderful to catch up with the friends last night that I went to high school with (another group from Thursday night) I missed the Strictly Come Dancing final...:-(:-(:-(:-(
dragged myself out of bed this morning to watch it and Grandad was watching the football. Then my mums brother and family arrived, then my dad's cousin arrived, and then emmerdale came on and we had to let my grandparents watch it. now my dad wants me to practice the music for mass tomorrow morning. HONESTLY!!! anyone would think it's Christmas and a family time...
I just want to watch the final :-(

Pieland

2006-12-22T00:54:00.000Z

For those of you who always wondered why whenever someone from the North-West met me they said 'who ate all the pies?!' or didn't believe me when I said we counted 12 pie shops just in the centre of Wigan alone when we were teenagers, or just wants to smile because Christmas is stressing you out as much as it is me...this is the article for you!!! :-)
and for the more intricate details see here.

Strictly Resting

2006-12-21T00:44:00.000Z

Saturday night is the final of Strictly Come Dancing Season 4. I've been in Durham pretty much all of the series, but have been catching up thanks to my fantastic parents and brother who recorded most of the series. Recently I've been falling slowly, although not actually realising it. I think I've just been under pressure of the expectations everyone seems to have of me. (and that I think I sometimes create!) I feel that lecturers are expecting me to perform better because I've had an extra year to everyone else. Third years expect me to be better and are presuming just because I've done a lot for my dissertation it's going to be fantastic, when I'm just worrying doing interviews is a tad risque where finals are concerned. Teaching in Durham has been ok this term but i've not got the buzz out of it I usually do. I had work experience starting on Monday that I was scared to even face because if I didn't like it I had absolutely no plans for the rest of my life! and when talking theology the other day my dad gave me a worried look and walked out of the room mid debate (I've never won him at an argument before) so I just felt, even my faith is beyond help now. I guess i've just been feeling overwhelmed and under pressure to be someone I haven't felt good enough to be.

But today I went into school for the final day this week. The kids were amazing in their assembly :-), one of the R.E. staff who I've met for maybe 15minutes at most came up and said, Maria I was thinking about you last night and we just have to take these kids that you've been working with to Durham, will you help me sort this out? Another kid came in at lunch time and because the chaplain was busy spent 20mins just talking to me despite the fact he'd absolutely no idea who I was, and it felt good to be a supportive model for them. Both the chaplains and the R.E staff asked me if I'd come back after Christmas for a couple of days before I had chance to ask if I could. But I think the strangest thing of all this week- On Monday we were sat in the office and a member of staff walked into the room. It was someone I used to be very close to for about 18months, we got on very well but after certain events involving close friends of the both of us we ended our friendship on a sour note. It's 5 years since we had any contact with each other or even knew what the other was doing. To see him working in a pastoral setting in the University has meant I've had to spend time with him this week, and it's been great. We've been getting on as well as ever.(I've just abused him wherever possible really!!) I came home from school this afternoon just feeling a bit more confident in my capabilities. as a reward I treated myself to about 5 hours of Strictly Come Dancing, and I can hardly talk about competition compared to what they have to face on Saturday! I love dancing, I love music, for as long as I can remember they've both been in my life for one thing or another) and to just forget about work for one evening and relax (although I have to confess I've still read a couple of articles) has done me the world of good. So I'm going to enjoy this contentment that I CAN do things and I'm not a complete failure for a moment longer before I get up tomorrow and start my work properly again!

a dualistic world/mind

2006-12-16T16:08:00.000Z

It's easy to live out of the real world in Durham. I don't have a tv or newspapers. Ok I should make more of an effort with the internet,but in reality I have no clue what's going on in the world. I would say between 5 and 7 days a week I'm studying evil. Reading case studies, events, groups, exorcisms, possession and the extent to which man can ruin themselves. But once again it's easy to take the academic approach and not think too much about the reality. I came home yesterday and when I went to pick my mum up from work there were three items on the news.

5 prostitutes have been murdered in Suffolk in the last couple of weeks. (latest on the news)
At Wythenshawe College (probably about half an hour away from me, if that) a girl was being bullied by another girl. And so the parents of the bullied girl bought one and a half litres of petrol, poured it through the door of the house of the girl doing the bullying, and set fire to it, killing the parents, and harming the girl in the house. (news report)
The day before yesterday a 19 year old girl was raped by three men on the next street to my dad's surgery. (can't find a link to this one!)

But basically I sat there watching the news later on, in shock to it all. It's so easy when you're studying it day in day out to forget that men actually do this not just write about it. Then went to watch Simon in one of his Christmas concerts, but I couldn't stop all this from plaguing my mind. It was Wigan Big Band, Wigan Intermediate Brass Band and Wigan Youth BrassBand playing. I have a weakness for Brass Band music anyway particularly at Christmas. Now my faith is more than dented at the moment, my parents asked despairingly yesterday whether I'd been to Mass in the last few months, and then followed with why not? But there was something about a big Brass Band playing 'When a Child is Born' that made me want to get down on my knees and cry. I didn't! But that thing of hope that I talked about at Easter, with everything then- just showed a glimmer, amongst the horrific place I live in and reminded me that although dented, it's not destroyed, I know where my heart lies.

And finally...

2006-12-13T15:09:00.000Z

My life is full of finalities! On Monday I was talking to Abby and she was saying it was exactly a year since she left Helsinki. A very scary thought...it means Helsinki isn't something we've just done now, it's another thing on the CV of something I did. And this last week I've been considering how much I've wasted the 7 months that I've been home, I'm feeling restless to do something else now (uh oh). Today is also the last day of term- although unfortunately it only meant handing my penultimate essay in. I have another in on Friday, an interview for my dissertation on Saturday morning and then work experience begins on Monday. College is empty, all but for a handful of hardcore students staying on, now and there's an eerie silence about the place. On top of that the weather today has decided to go hysterical. A few times I thought I was going to lose my balance earlier on. It's just ridiculously windy and wet. A crazy end to a crazy term. That means however that I just have 3 months and 4 exams left and my whole degree is over. So the week has been one of considering the last 4 years, the last 12 months, and the last three months. And with this restless need to make an end something new and exciting I don't think I will get the rest I probably need! I'm too excited about my next project, and the next few months :-) And so with that, all that remains is to say happy birthday to my muppet :-) don't worry that you're getting old now sweetie- it's not the end yet, still plenty of time to do something crazy! This year's Christmas Newsletter finished with, Maria remains unpredictable....well I have to live up to these expectations they have of me- bring it on!

today's freudian slip

2006-12-10T22:56:00.000Z

just had 'bat out of hell' album on in the background while I pretended to write this essay and instead of singing 'and the last thing I see is my heart, still beating' sang 'and the last thing I see it my heart, still bleeding'. hmmm!!!!

So...

2006-12-09T02:07:00.000Z

how many times did I use 'so' in that last post, particularly the first paragraph. Anyone would think I was trying to defend something... (Me??? Defensive???!!)

Bits and Christmas pieces.

2006-12-09T01:39:00.000Z

Ok, so I kept saying all week that I'll let you know what's been going on but I've been too tired to do so. My next door neighbour has music on which means that despite the fact it's 2am and I'm going to Edinburgh at 6.30am tomorrow morning I'm not going to get any sleep. So figured I may as well update my blog and get on with my work. So term is nearly over, Christmas is nearly here. Life is chaotic! I have two essays left to write. One for Wednesday is for one of the lecturers I was out drinking with on Monday and seen as well I told him excitedly all the work I'd been doing for it that week he's now expecting an amazing essay and it's really not going to be! The other is a chunk of my dissertation. Any chunk, however long I want, but she'll be expecting about 2,000 words and so far I've done none....eeek!
On Monday (as I may have mentioned!!) we had the theology ball, which was great fun. There were stuff about it I was concerned about (and rightly so it turned out) but nonetheless I had a great night!
Tuesday was the first Christmas formal. Only just making it to my 4.15pm (and completely humiliating) lecture, I was in no fit state to be Christmassy. No food was eaten, no wine drunk and my camera I discovered there was out of charged batteries.
Wednesday I went to watch a play my friend is producer for. It was called ...thespacebetween...and is a student-written and performed play. The script was morbid, disturbing and the girl who wrote it should be in therapy. But it was also fascinating and included a lot of the concepts one of my modules involves, and so I enjoyed it immensely (and the others thought me odd for doing so I think!)
Thursday I was just about recovering from Monday. Able to walk properly again we had our second Christmas formal which I had literally 7 minutes from returning from lectures to get to. Able to face one alocholic drink that night I left early to get some sleep (which never happened due to firealarms and drunken housemates)
And so today has been a day of catching up on things. The rest of the week does look pretty busy and manic but I just keep looking at my life in retrospect of last Christmas and thinking, :-)

brand new outfit- all bought that day! but you can understand now why I had to walk home barefoot...

the play I went to see on Wednesday night..

Thursday's Christmas formal

Aidan's 12 days of Christmas...

from some dodgy catholic...

2006-12-09T00:06:00.000Z

just to let you know the highlight of my day because it tickled me immensely!
Context: understanding the context of my day is pretty important first of all! I was kept up until 5.40am last night with my drunken housemates parties while I tried to sleep. That meant this morning I was in no fit state to read the articles for this afternoons seminar. Only a handful of people turned up to the seminar so I had no choice but to talk about things I had no clue about! I then went up to the library to argue with them about why a book I had renewed hadn't been renewed and why I was being fined for another book I had returned earlier this week. After this I went down to Church where they had adoration all afternoon and cried for an hour. At 5pm I wiped the tears away and walked into the pub where the theologians meet every week
So we're all sat there in the pub, subdued, exhausted and most of us on lemonade! Mary is talking about an essay she has been working on and says that the thing about Luther is when you start reading about him properly and understanding him properly, you need to understand about Catholicisim to do so accordingly, but then you get something like Maria, which is just wrong!
lol, most people fell about laughing and Stuart quickly said 'rephrase that, now!' Because we know each other so well I knew exactly what she meant. We're not shy of talking faiths with each other, and coming from someone who didn't know any but hated all Catholics before coming to uni its been a fun journey learning each other's backgrounds! She missed my conversation with Theo yesterday of 'I hate my church but I love it too much to ever be able to leave'. Still...I have to admit, I have to agree with her. I mean would you trust a Catholic with Lutheran sympathies? Look what happened in the 16th century when that happened!!

tired but content

2006-12-07T02:27:00.000Z

am loving the fact that it's 2.30am, and with 5 days left until the end of term, there's hardly a spare computer free in the library!! Amazingly enough though, as tired as I am (will post sometime about the play I saw tonight and last nights formal) I am still enjoying my work. Usually the first term is so long, and by the end of it I'm so desperate to go home and can't bare to be in Durham a second longer. On the contrary, although it will be nice to go home I'm not eagerly anticipating it, just letting it creep up along with these deadlines. I'm just a content being at the moment- something I haven't experienced much before in my life! so I'm going to make the most of it and go and read the things for my seminar tomorrow...

Wine? I'm sure it was water when we began!!

2006-12-06T00:10:00.000Z

The quiet calm of Abbey House, full of some of the worlds top leading theologians, scribbling away at their latest work. Hmmm! Last night we had the theology ball. Most people who aren't theologians tend to say theologians and alcohol?Nah!. Those thoelogians amongst us though know that it will end up being one of the messiest nights of the year and this one was no exception! Unlike previous years, there were only two lecturers who came along which is a shame as it's always nice to chat to them outside of the classrooms. I was sat on the table with one of our new lecturers who has just moved here from Cambridge and is taking my second year module that I'm sitting. He seems lovely but before last night I'd never had the opportunity to speak to him. Word of advice though for all those who think it would be nice to have a small, close knit department like ours. DON'T drink so much you've chunks of the night missing from your memory. DON'T spend 3 hours telling new lecturer you think he's amazing! DON'T keep accepting drinks from two lecturers when you can already barely stand up. DON'T drag your lecturers into the nightclub when they obviously don't want to go and there's only about half an hour left before closing anyway. DON'T walk back across the city with new lecturer bare foot because you bought new shoes that morning and they were hurting. DON'T introduce new *shy* lecturer, to outlandish housemates, also drunk on their way home. DON'T offer to let him sleep on your floor when he can't remember his code to get into college (I don't actually remember that part!) DON'T miss one lecture of the year the next morning on your dissertation subject. DON'T limp down to lecture, having removed stones and left holes in feet, and sit in class with the new lecturer- because it's humiliating!!!!!! I was still shaking at 9.30pm tonight after the experience. Chris just laughed at me when I walked into his lecture today and offered him a penny sweet in apology! I'd like to say I'll learn but really I know it's just another night down in the history of the Theology Department!

Maria is...

2006-12-03T22:15:00.000Z

Maria is not 18 anymore!

Maria is thinking that one status on facebook is not enough for her complex character, and so if she had her chance she would have it as:

Maria is fed up of swimming her way through to F House.
Maria is feeling that sense of 'grit your teeth' when her computer went crazy and lost half the stuff she'd been typing up for the last hour.
Maria is also feeling guilty for leaving her computer to sort out it's identity crisis for itself while she went to a jcr meeting. Only to have someone hust for an environmental position and comment on the damage done by everyone just leaving their computers on.
Maria is thinking Christmas is a stressful time, with no presents bought, lots of essays due in and at least one thing to attend every night now until the end of term.
Maria is thinking that after talking to Mis for just two minutes the other day he's managed to put her life back into perspective and it suddenly seems so much less stressful, complicated and lonely :-)
Maria is looking forward to the awkwardness of tomorrow nights theology ball!
Maria is excited that blogger seems to have returned to normal self and will *hopefully* post this post without a problem.
Maria is scheming a crazy summer.
Maria is loving listening to meatloaf again- it's just been too long!
Maria is waiting for something to go wrong with her degree, as everything seems to be doing just fine at the moment. (she says with two essays still to write- but still well on top of them!)
Maria is missing the part of her life that was performance. She is sat looking at her flute thinking, I used to be good, now I'm too scared to get it out for fear at how bad I've become. Watching the college panto last night has got her thinking maybe she should get in touch with the performance side of her life again.
Maria is worried she wont sleep tonight having sat inside all day with the rain pouring down outside!
Maria is going through phases of getting very excited and being very scared at the prospect of her international event next term!
Maria is considering that whenever she's tried to write a status all week she's wanted to use the one tense 'maria is' doesn't allow for- the past tense, and thinks this says a lot about where's she's been living the last few weeks!
Maria is pleased she can think of so many Maria is' ;-)
Maria is procrastinating and must get back to her work now
Maria is a muppet!
Maria is thinking......!

I CANT WORK THIS NEW BLOGGER THING...AGGGGGGHHHHHHH

2006-11-23T01:55:00.000Z

bounce bounce bounce

2006-11-14T16:46:00.000Z

Had another formal in college last Thursday...this time a toy formal! After much deliberation as what to go as I decided to make myself a spacehopper costume. I wasn't much in the mood for a formal after a more than stressful week (as the senior tutor kindly commented that I looked really ill that night! thanks!) but after a lot of alcohol I soon forgot about everything and had no more worries until the next morning! I literally spent all evening bouncing around and the efforts everyone went to with their costumes was just phenomenal! A successful formal all in all. Bring on the Xmas formals (which scarily aren't very far away now)

to kiss or not to kiss...

2006-11-12T15:37:00.000Z

Had a bit of a marathon these last few days of films. I've watched Love Actually, Brokeback Mountain (twice!), Brief Encounter, Bridget Jones:The edge of reason, all six hours of the BBC production of Pride and Prejudice, and all 23 episodes of the first series of Desperate Housewives. Just because it's an excuse to put a picture of Colin Firth in a wet shirt up thought I'd make a brief comment about Pride and Prejudice. They were talking about it the other day in one of my lectures. The new film that came out with Keira Knightley last year (which I went to see on my own at the cinema in Finland- those were the days!) was made with two different endings. One for it's American audience, and one for the British. In the American version Mr Darcy and Lizzy kiss at the end whereas in the British one they don't. Apparently it's to satisfy the different sort of audiences- says a lot about the British to me!

Isänpäivä

2006-11-12T04:42:00.000Z

it's also Father's day in Finland...again, memories, but wont bore you with all the details. and just because I've been doing my homework! it's called Isänpäivä. But with his birthday a couple of weeks ago, and a trip to the States ahead of him a week today Dad's just gonna have to wait until June for a proper Father's Day from his daughter!

remember, remember, the 11th of november

2006-11-12T04:30:00.000Z

It's 4.20am and I'm sat looking at my red poppy unable to sleep so figured I may as well do a post about it! Remembrance Sunday is another national tradition in which the soldiers who died in World Wars I and II, and consequently wars such as the Falklands War and the Gulf War, are remembered. It is held on the nearest Sunday to the 11th November as this is the day that peace was declared for WWI. The day is commemorated by church services around the country and a parade of ex-service personnel in London’s Whitehall. Wreaths of poppies are left at the Cenotaph, a war memorial in Whitehall, built after the First World War. By tradition, at 11:00am on Remembrance Sunday a two minute silence is observed at the Cenotaph and elsewhere in the country to honour those who lost their lives. The reason for poppies is to represent the poppies that grew in the cornfields of Flanders in the First World War where many thousands of soldiers lost their lives. The paper poppies that are worn today are made by ex-service personnel and are sold by representatives of the Royal British Legion, an organisation of ex-servicemen and women.

Helsinki the 'cult'

2006-11-08T01:07:00.000Z

There's always one module every year which takes you by surprise, which you expect to be rubbish and end up thoroughly enjoying. Last year it was Christian Fundamentalism in the U.S, so it shouldn't be surprising to me that this year it's the Religious Innovations course. It's been fascinating. This mornings lecture though was on 'brainwashing'. We were looking at what the media portray as brainwashing and what actually goes on. All the 'symptoms' of people, who have been involved in New Religious Movements, put forward by psychologists, theologians, sociologists, the media, example after example. And I sat there for most of the lecture thinking, that's what I was like when I got back from Helsinki. I saw my mate go through that, I still feel like that. So is going to live abroad for one year like becoming fully indoctrinated into a 'Cult'?? If so can someone tell me where I can get hold of a deprogrammer to get me out of the horrific adaptation?!

Death Penalty

2006-11-08T01:05:00.000Z

Wrote all these details for my international students in Durham about what goes on in November as you've already seen from Halloween and Bonfire Night. This fact just interested me. Then they told me they were so impressed with the email they were sending it home to their parents! Think I maybe need to reconsider what goes in next months and not show my crazy side so much!
The last public hanging took place in England on the 7th November 1783. The man was John Austin, a forger who met his fate at Tyburn.
Thought it was quite apt in the end though with everything that's been going on this week in the news...